Missile Toe Kiss B Low

Tonight I thought I’d share a Christmas story with you. It’s probably more of a Christmas “overheard”, but story sounds so much better!

Um … I digress … OK.

Little Man, Husband, BK, and I were sitting on the couch watching a very cool story about how they make plastic bottles (Nothin’ says Christmas quite like a Science Channel piece on plastic bottles.). It was one of those few-and-far-between times when everyone was sort of still and together.

One of the examples they were showing was the making of an apple juice bottle and Little Man is very much liking apple juice right now. So, of course, this triggers an almost immediate request.

OK … bad mommy admission coming up.

I was tired and didn’t want to get up and get him some apple juice. So, I tried to divert him. It went something like this.

Little Man; Mom, I want some apple juice right now.

Me: I want a kiss on my nose right now.

Little Man: There’s no mistletoe.

And then there was silence. He and I have never talked about mistletoe and that whole tradition. The whole comment came out of the blue (which happens a lot with Little Man).

I recovered. The conversation continued.

Me: How do you know about mistletoe?

Little Man: Clifford. (… the Big Red Dog)

Me: OK, so tell me about it. What’s mistletoe?

Little Man: Mistletoe has 3 sides (I think he meant leaves) and if there is some you have to get kissed.

Me: Hmmm. OK. So if we had some….

Little Man: Then I would have to kiss you, and Daddy, and BK.

Me: What if you were under it?

Little Man: Then I would have to get kissed.

Me: I see. What do you think about that? Should we get some mistletoe?

Little Man: No.

I think I’m going to wake him up on Christmas morning by holding a big sprig of mistletoe over his head and becoming the kissy monster.

When he’s asleep at night and I check on him before I go to bed, I give him a kiss – and there’s not a hint of mistletoe in sight. Just sweet sleepy head. I wonder what he’d have to say about that????

Shhh … don’t tell him!!!!

Merry Christmas!

Commercials

I’ve always been intrigued by the lure of commercials. Over the years, I’ve found them to often be more interesting than some of the shows that they support. Now, I get to view them through little eyes and the effect is pretty stunning.

Here are a couple of observations and comments from the cheap seats (a.k.a., my family room couch).

1. I don’t understand the whole bathtub thing and Cialis. And I get that men watch football … but so do women and small children. Do we really need to viva Viagra at every commercial? Really?
2. Shows with parental guidance recommendations and rated R movies are shown at times and places that keep little eyes from seeing, right? So, naturally, the brilliant thing to do is advertise them during family programming. (Slight disclaimer here … family programming at our house might be a bit off because Little Man really likes the engineering shows on The Discovery Channel.)
3. The Alltel commercials really lost something with the departure of the original “Sprint guy” … they need to get him back.
4. We are big Noggin fans because there are NO commercials!
5. We must watch a lot of shows that appeal to a male demographic because I see very few commercials targeting me!

I could go on all day. I won’t because at some point you’ll say, “Thus is 15 minutes of my life I’m not going to get back!” Let me just say this. As much as we complain, they work. Wanna know how I know? Let me provide you with a few recent exchanges…

Little Man (walking around inspecting the carpet): Mom, see this dark spot? … and this one? … and that one over there?

Me:: Yep, I see them. I think they are shadows.

Little Man: No. They are dirt spots. We need to get a Woolite Rug Stick so we can clean them up.

And then there’s my current favorite . Before I go on, you need to know that Little Man can give you the make (and often model) of a vehicle from quite a distance. Oh, and it’s best just to go with him on what he says. Husband argued with him this morning and was wrong. It’s humiliating. But I digress…

Husband: (Reading the paper…)

Little Man (pointing to a car ad): Dad, that’s America’s best truck.

Husband: How did you know that. Did you read the words?

Little Man: It says A-mer-i-ca’s best truck.

Husband: It does not.

Little Man (with extreme patience): Dad, the TV just told me that the Chevy Silverado is America’s best truck. That’s a Chevy Silverado.

I wonder if the Chevy folks would like to make a commercial about going to bed without whining and picking up your toys? Now, that I could really buy into!!!!

Don’t Panic – The Memory Works!

For those of you who were hanging with the Rabbit before I spaced backing up the database, this little gem will be familiar. For those of you who are joining this show already in progress, this will be new!

Here’s a re-post from memory! So worth the brain storage space!

The fam spent some time in Mexico this spring with quite a few other families. We shared a beach house with 2 other families. Little Man was the only boy.

One afternoon before dinner, the kids were playing boat. This is what we overheard.

The Girls (shrill): There’s a monster on our boat! Ahhhh!

Little Man: Don’t Panic!

I’d never heard Little Man use that phrase and I don’t remember us using it!

The following afternoon, we were getting ready to go to lunch in town. The kids were going to stay with a babysitter. Little Man doesn’t have too much experience with babysitters so I thought I’d do the responsible thing and get him prepared. I pulled him aside.

Me: Daddy and I are going to get some lunch. You need to stay here with BK and the babysitters.

Little Man: No answer.

Me: We need to talk about this. There are some things I need you to do.

Little Man: Yeh (nod). Don’t panic.

Me: Yep, that would be good.

Although there have been appropriate occasions to “not panic” since, Little Man hasn’t used the phrase since!

Pretty Poppies

Here’s what the fly on the wall of my minivan heard this morning!

For the purists among us, yes, I’m actually assuming for the purpose of this post that there was a fly invading our space this morning … although it’s highly unlikely!

Radio Lady: …. got busted for possession of opium. If convicted, faces …

Radio Guy #1: That reminds me of the test that was done to determine if eating poppy seeds could cause you to fail a drug test.

Radio Guy #2: … those eating poppy seed cake or muffins failed their drug test even though eating poppy seeds is completely legal.

Little Man: Mom, what are poppy seeds?

Me: You know what sunflower seeds are? (He nods yes.) Poppy seeds are the seeds of a poppy plant. People put them on muffins, cakes, and stuff like that.

Little Man: That man said they were illegal. Why are they illegal?

Me: Nope, he said they were legal. But there are some things made from poppy seeds that are illegal.

Little Man: What?

Me: Well … there’s a drug called opium. It’s made from poppy seeds and is illegal. It’s very bad.

Little Man: What’s opium?

Me: It’s an illegal drug. It’s not OK to use it.

Little Man: Why is it bad?

Me … this time to Husband: I can’t believe I’m discussing opium with a 4 year-old.

Husband: I think it’s funny that you are actually trying to explain it.

Little Man: If you shoot a goose in the bum, the police will come. That’s illegal.

Me: You are right. It’s not OK to shoot a goose in the bum!

I love the 4 year-old mind! I’m thankful for the trails it takes!

Who knows what the fly will hear on the way home!