Daily Thanks

This Thanksgiving morning, I find myself doing typical Saturday morning chores. Because we don’t have family in town, we have a pretty lo-key Thanksgiving celebration.

As I was doing the morning dishes (and, let’s not kid, last night’s and those from yesterday’s lunch),  I started thinking about being thankful. And, I am very thankful!

• I’m thankful for the piles and piles of dishes that I have to do today – because it means that my family has enough food to put on the table at every mealtime.
• I’m thankful for the loads and loads of laundry that I have to do today – because it means that we have clothes on our back.
• I’m thankful for the diapers I have to change today (and the fights that will come with stopping Louie long enough to get them changed) – because it means that we have a wonderful, feisty baby girl who is happy and healthy and … growing up too fast.
• I’m thankful for the sand that I will have to sweep up today – because it means that my very active Little Man has been doing what he loves and will be anxious to tell us all about it (over and over again). It means he’s healthy and happy and … growing up too fast.
• I’m thankful for the squabbles I’ll have to mediate today – because it means that the kids have each other and because I will eventually get to see them hug and tell each other, “I love you!”.
• I’m thankful for the insane amount of vacuuming that will need done – because it means that my house is truly a home and … a well lived in one at that!
• I’m thankful for the nagging that Husband will show up after dinner. The reminders of what is not done even though we are bone tired (Wait, it’s not going to be starting after dinner. He just popped his head in the door to tell me that blogging isn’t going to get the furniture rearranged.) – because it means that I have a Husband who is actively involved in everything this family does. A Husband who cares about tradition and family and togetherness.

I have so very, very many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. They are simply too many to count.

My family wishes you family a safe, healthy, and very blessed Thanksgiving!

I'll be hoppin' along now ...

The Picture of Summer

Ahhh … summer is here and has found its way into the You Capture carnival! This week we were all challenged to capture the season of sun and fun.

Summer in our neck of the woods is hot. There are no two ways about it. It’s our least favorite season. It’s just too stinkin’ hot to do much of anything outside.

For the computer nerds in my family (uh, that would be me), it’s not really a huge deal. For the outdoor addicts in my family (yep, that would be everyone else), it’s a very long stretch.

So, all week I’ve been thinking of how to capture “hotter than sin” on film and even thinking about it made me hot. Blech.

I asked Little Man what he thought about when he thought about summer. He just giggled and then asked me when fall was going to get here. [OK, I may have taken creative license on the timing of those reactions, but...]

Like most weeks, the pictures planned in my head didn’t make it into the camera.

Some of my shots worked pretty well, I thought.

But, then, I got stuck. I carried my camera around for days … nothing!

Today, with no additional pictures to add, I figured out why! My “pictures” of summer were captured last weekend … by Husband [OK, mostly.]!!!

So, I’m cheating a little bit – wait, let’s call it a guest post. Na, it’s cheating.  [I was going to make a bad joke about us living in a community property state ... thus sort of making all of these mine ... but decided against it.] But these two were having such fun and they are so cute that it’s really worth it! So, I’ll start with one I took.

OK … let the fun begin! These are Husband’s!

One of the only ways to be outside in the summer here is to be in the water. And, what better way to be in the water than to slip and slide! These pictures are just, well, summer.

This is what summer should be about, don’t you think?

By the way, Husband is a lurker so if you like these, let him know!!! Thanks!!!

I'll be hoppin' along now ...

A Father is Born

I’ve been looking at this blank page for more than a few minutes trying to decide just which words to use. Trying to craft just the right message to covey just how cool it is to watch the birth of a father. I’m struggling. I want to get this right.

When Husband and I decided to get married, there was never any doubt that we would have children. Although we met and got married “later in life”, it was just a given that we would have a family. We were youthful – if not young – and idealistic. Life was good! [Life is still good, by the way. Very good!]

About seven years ago, Husband and I found out we were expecting for the first time. It was mid-June and just after our wedding reception.

[There's a running joke that we got pregnant between our wedding and reception. We did, actually ... the dates were like 3 months apart.]

We no sooner found out – and had time to get excited – than I miscarried. Six weeks – two days. We were devastated.

Not long after that we learned that we were expecting the second time. This time, we were cautious. We ran tests, prayed, and waited. At about 5 weeks, we knew that I would miscarry. The tests said so.  It was Thanksgiving. We gave thanks and prayed that the tests were wrong. They weren’t. I miscarried at six weeks – two days. We were devastated.

I believe that faith and parenthood/fatherhood are necessary companions. We had faith. We had pain and grief and all that goes with miscarriage. We were scared, but we had faith.

The doctors assured me that it was likely that there was nothing wrong – that miscarriages are quite common. We took solace in that and decided to just be faithful and see what would happen.

Several months went by before we found ourselves expecting for the third time. This time we were just plain scared. We were also “activists”. We asked questions, learned a whole lot of medical terms, ran tests, and were cautiously optimistic. Then we started watching the calendar for the dreaded six weeks – two days. The numbers on the tests weren’t right, but the hCG numbers were going up so … we prayed and prepared.

Six weeks – two days. No miscarriage. Six weeks – three days. Six weeks – four days. No miscarriage.

I will never forget the appointment – the day when my OB said, “Looks like you are going to have to raise this one.” Never.

Just about 9 months (and several anxious moments of our own making) later, we were blessed with Little Man. In that moment, in that messy, scary, exciting, crazy moment a father was born as well. It was instant – a sort of rush of all of the emotion that comes with the journey to the moment. He had no idea what do to, but he was hooked.

Husband grew up the youngest of three kids. He never babysat and, until he met me, he’d not spent a lot of time with children at all. Now, he had a little one depending on him all of the time. I’m sure that it scared him to death. But, we never saw it.

Little Man had Husband uncovering feelings that he never knew existed. He was our little bundle of shock and awe. Husband loved him more and more every day and, today, they have a bond so strong that I can’t imagine a power strong enough to tear it apart. I am in awe of their relationship.

Roughly four years later, we decided that Little Man needed a sibling brother. We weren’t going to have another child – you can ask anyone. We were content. And, then, all of a sudden, we weren’t. And, then? Nah, we’re good. But, then? We really should. It was insane.

We really couldn’t decide. And then we did. We decided that we were read to do this crazy dance all over again.

The first month, I just knew I wasn’t pregnant. I just knew it. I didn’t feel pregnant. But, I checked anyway and uh, yeh … WRONG! So, we quickly got a grip and counted on the calendar. Our first healthy milestone was that six week – two day mark.

The doctors tested me out the wazoo – almost 40 with a history of miscarriage earns you a lot of needles in early pregnancy! I was on a business trip and bugged the sin out of the nurses at my doctor’s office. But, there they were – perfectly textbook hCG numbers and, then a strong heartbeat. We were going to have another baby. Little Man was going to have a brother.

Yeh, except that God had some other plans. Little Man apparently needed a sister. Who knew? And, as it turns out? Daddy needed a baby girl.

When we found out BK was not a boy there was some denial going on. Husband refused to buy in to what the nurses and ultrasound pictures were saying. She was a boy. What would we do with a girl? He already had the boy thing down.

But, sure enough, little BK showed up a tad ahead of schedule and full of healthy (if tiny) spunk! At 5 pounds 12 ounces, she was SO tiny and feminine – the complete opposite of her big brother.

And, Daddy? Well, if I am to be honest, I’d tell you that he was just scared. He stayed back this time … loving, but a little standoffish. He loved, supported, took care of … but didn’t really bond initially.

She was so small and so pink … and Little Man needed him … and she was so small and fragile.

Then, one morning in the first part of her second month, I looked over at the rocking chair and saw a father being born once again. In the quiet morning light with eau d’formula floating heavily in the air, I watched my husband fall completely in love with his daughter. I literally watched him fall. It was a precious moment that I will treasure forever.

BK is in love with her Daddy – as it should be. She thinks he hangs the moon – and the feeling is mutual. They have created a wonderful relationship that gives me such confidence in her future. I am in awe of their relationship.

My kids and their Dad are an awesome force. They love each other and hold nothing back. It’s pure and raw and real. They share bonds that will get them through the rough times. I am thankful for this to a point beyond expression. I wrote this post to honor the journey. The bond. The man.

Happy Father’s Day, Husband … and to all fathers everywhere!

We are beyond blessed to have you in our lives.

I'll be hoppin' along now ...

Blissful Sunday

Have you ever had one of those days that was so good it made you smug? You know. The kind of day that seems to have been conjured out of a scene from a great historical romance novel [not that I read those] or from a Lifetime Original Movie [not that I watch those] or from someone else’s life.

Bliss.

Let me see if I can paint you a picture. Close your eyes. [Wait! No. Don't. That won't work!] Ahem.

The sun snuck up over the horizon while we were all sleeping and was well into its task of warming up the day when I heard Little Man say, “Mom, can it be morning? I can’t sleep anymore and I hear the other kids getting up.” I shooed him out of the room to get what I imagine was a less-than-completely-nutritious breakfast with his friends. I took a few minutes to myself, threw on beach attire, and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

In short order, everyone was fed, dressed and ready for the beach! And, the fun began.

With a very delicious and refreshing drink in one hand and BK in the other, I made the short trek to the beach as Husband, Little Man, and some of the others set up “camp” for the day. To our delight, the tide was out and the tide pools were just begging to be explored. The sun was brilliant and the breeze kept the temperature near perfect.

As we were playing, another beach-goer approached and said that there were dolphins playing not far from where  we were sitting. In short order, my camera and I were on a boat heading their way thanks to a local vendor! Dolphin watching in a small boat is amazing.

After my dolphin adventure, it was time to head to one of the beach houses for a massage. Husband and the kids were playing in the tide pools, so I slipped away.

I was looking forward to this massage! Some of the others in our group had described theirs as “the best massage they’d ever had” … sounded wonderful. Changed and ready to be deeply relaxed, I closed my eyes. It was then that I heard Amazing Grace being played in the background. I don’t remember much of that hour other than it was the perfect combination of relaxation and rejoicing.

BK was napping when I recovered from my relaxed haze so I went to relieve Husband. To my surprise, I found a sleeping baby in an empty house (once Husband returned to the beach)! Windows open. Beach breezes blowing in. This is also known as the PERFECT reading environment.

Once we’d all had naps and lunch, it was back to the beach for more playing and discovering! Nothing to do but enjoy the day and play!

This was how I spent last Sunday. It’s still so fresh that I can close my eyes and mentally return to that beach and its relaxing breezes. These words and pictures don’t do it justice.

I know we’ll be back there again. Until then, I’ll look for bliss in small things. Like the little giggle I just heard on the baby monitor. The giggle that tells me BK is awake, happy, and ready to play with her mom!

Ahhh, bliss.

Starting Over

We’re nearing spring … the time of the year when things are, once again, fresh and new. It’s a really hopeful time of year and I love it – I always have. I’m anxiously waiting for the flowers to perk up and give us their fabulous flash of brilliance.

It’s springtime for my family too, I guess. Seeds that were planted weeks and months ago are starting to sprout and struggle to find sun!

I feel like today is the culmination of a huge gardening effort [and the whole metaphor here is feeling a tad bizarre because I don't garden at all]! Today is a day when it feels like everything has changed and we are starting over.

It’s both exciting and scary. It’s exhausting and, I hope, will be rewarding.

This morning, Daddy went off to work without us. [We've been carpooling for almost a year now and the kids really like for us all to be together!]  He ventured out early to get to his first day of work on time. It’s been a very long time since he’s had a first day of work!

He’s on to new professional challenges and, given the current economic conditions, we are blessed in so many ways on this one! I’m excited for him and intrigued about learning new things right along with him.

However, starting over means that he’s the newbie again and he’s got to earn their confidence and respect. I don’t doubt his ability at all. I empathize with him about the effort it will take to till the path and cultivate the relationships. I truly believe that you reap what you sow. [Oh, the heck with it, the dang metaphor works.]

Husband isn’t the only one sprouting and growing this spring. [OK, this is a really funny visual image for me!!!]  

This morning, Little Man and BK got re-potted so-to-speak. They started at a completely different school and today is a day for them to meet new teachers, build new friendships, and examine new boundaries. 

We’d been at their old school for five years and were MUCH loved there. There were many tears shed on our last days there.

Today, their new pots don’t feel quite right. Everything looks and feels different … funny … unfamiliar. They aren’t in the comfortable home that they’ve known for so long and so well. It’s hard to start over even when it’s good for you and will allow you to grow. It’s just hard.

I don’t doubt their abilities to cultivate new friendships and relationships either. In fact, I bet they’ll finger paint their new pots in vibrant shades of red and pink and all sorts of other colors! I think they’ll be settled in and on their way by pickup time … although I think they’ll be ready for some familiarity and snuggles!

I worry for them. I’m their mom.

I feel a bit like the gardener I’ve already told you that I’m not! There are all of these fantastic and amazing things happening around me and it’s my job to make sure that I water but don’t over water, that I allow sun but not too much sun, and I provide shelter so that things can take their own course when necessary. I am the active observer in all of this.

Right now, it’s not a role I like very much because my instinct to protect and shelter are getting in the way of what I really need to do here.

My bones are aching from the effort of projecting outward calm and excitement for each of these new adventures! What I am actually feeling, of course, is the instinct to put them in the car and take them to their old school … or maybe to make it a stay home day to put off the inevitable for one more day.

I’m counting the hours until I can go pick them up and hear about their days … and snuggle with them while we hatch plans for what tomorrow will be like.

While I’m certainly not starting over, it appears that I’m in a bit of a growth spurt! I guess I’m learning once again to cultivate the seeds that were sown - regardless of whether they were planted in a place and time that were of my own design.

With all this growth, I’d bet that it’ll be my time soon to get re-potted. Until then, I’ll be tending my little garden [or, maybe ... and quite possibly ... nay probably ... spreading around some fertilizer!]

Exact Opposite

My new issue of Parenting Early Years arrived today and because my parents are here and are helping with the kids, I had time to read it right away. [Ironic, ain't it. Do they publish a magazine for parenting middle-agers? I think maybe someone should.]

Anyway.

So I was reading through the mag, with a bit of interest here and a bit there, when I hit “Mad at Dad“.

Now, I’ve been known to get mad from time-to-time. In fact, I have a fairly quick temper. So, this one interested me. Until I started to read the article. Then, I was just sort of confused, concerned, and a bit embarrassed.

So, apparently, a lot of women are mad at their husbands a lot of the time. And, apparently, there is a pattern to the anger that suggests that the male/female role stereotypes are still very much alive. Oh, and the icing on the cake … anger can kill ya.

OK … many magazine articles are written because of their appeal to a mass group of people. You know, information that will make us all feel relieved to know that someone else has the same crappy problems we do. But I felt like this article put me smack dab on an island in the middle of who-knows-where.

You see, in my house, every one of the “triggers” listed works in exactly the opposite way. I will elaborate. [Come on, you knew I would and this is the good stuff.]

44% of moms get mad because their husbands don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids.

Crap. Nope. This is a complaint Husband has about me. [Specifically the house part. Specifically, oh never mind ... the list is too long.]

40% of  moms get mad because their husbands can’t multitask.

Strike two. I do not multitask very well at home. It’s possible that I have a limited amount of that ability and I use it up at work. Either way, it’s a common Husband complaint.

31% of moms get mad because their husbands don’t help with the chores.

Uh … ummm … nope. He totally helps with the chores and I’m sure he wishes I would do more to help in certain areas. [Kitty litter comes to mind.]

50% of moms get made because their husbands get more  time for themselves.

I’m so out. I get way more time to myself than Husband does and I get it because he gives it to me. Mind you, I don’t feel like I have enough time to myself … but, he doesn’t either. It’s part of having small children.

Now before we all go getting judgemental [including me about myself, by the way], I’ve been working on getting better in all of these areas. Some days I’m better than others. Some days I just fail miserably.

I’m not sure what all of this means and I’m not sure what made me decide to post this. I’m certainly not a big fan of highlighting my less-than-stellar traits.  

I’ve known for a long time that my little family works against quite a few stereotypes. I’ve known for a long time that I tend to do things a tad differently. I’ve known for over 8 years now that I’m incredibly lucky.

Maybe that’s why I decided to post this … not as a confession or a gloat, but to celebrate Husband. He’s cool and he doesn’t get enough credit by half!

Apparently, he’s not only a loving husband and father who takes fabulous care of his family, he’s also saving me from more than a few anger-related health issues. I had no idea.

So, here’s to Husband … one amazing man and someone I love more than words. Thanks. B.

All I Want for Christmas Is…

It’s time to make a list, I guess. Husband is expecting one and Little Man is way ahead of the game. I think he keeps a perpetual list just in case anyone is willing to buy him something. He doesn’t want to be unprepared! But, this post isn’t about that. More about that later.

I’m a fairly simple person to buy for, really. My wants (yes, I sometimes inaccurately categorize them as needs) are typically fairly consistent and predictable. Having said that, living with Husband has taught me that creating specific gift lists is a good idea!

So, without further ado, here is my list for this Christmas. (There will be a disclaimer later, you can bet on it!)

1. A Hairband
   Not just any hairband, mind you. I want one that fits like a pair of sunglasses. I love the way a good pair of sunglasses holds back hair without flattening it.  They also tend to save you from an aching head at the end of the day! Right now, I’m forced to wear my sunglasses at night (and at all other times of the day) because they are truely the most perfect hairband. If I was a more paranoid person, I’d be worried about people talking. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they are … I’m just not worrying about it!
2. Automatically Flushing Toilets
   I am currently sharing bathrooms with an almost 5 year old who has (hopefully temporarily) decided he’s got better things to do than flush (unless he’s reminded, of course). I think that the folks at the airport have something on this one. Oh, and I’d like someone to invent an automatic cleaning system for these too, please!

Pretty simple really. Nothing too dramatic or exotic. Practical and pragmatic … that’s me!

OK … I may or may not decide that I’ve oversimplified a bit and it’s possible that my list will get longer (and frankly, not include either one of these items). I’m not fickle, just a bit on the immediate gratification side this time of year! I mean, it’s not Thanksgiving yet for goodness sake! It’s too early to make a definitive list. It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, right?

Halloween Headache

How did you spend your Halloween evening?

A friend of mine had a hot date with her husband. Another friend spent some time mourning a dearly loved pet. A couple of folks I know likely spent the evening wondering how their lives would change after a phone call informed them of a change in their professional lives. My neighbors spent much of the evening wondering why they buy candy each year and at least some of their evening planning on how to offload the leftovers to Little Man!

I spent my Halloween in a personal haunted house. In the dark, under a sheet, praying that my mind would just stop whirring and let me rest. Yep … headache city. Hellish.

I can tough it out through a huge range of afflictions … as long as I don’t have a headache. A headache will take me down quicker than just about anything I’ve ever experienced. (Not kidding here … had an epidural when I delivered Little Man because they told me that it would relax my body and get rid of my HEADACHE … it worked like a charm, btw.)

This was the kind of headache that had me driving, with tears streaming down my face, to a VERY well-attended church trunk or treat celebration desperately looking for Husband and Little Man because I couldn’t feed BK, feeling guilty about making them come home, and all the while praying that BK wouldn’t cry or that I wouldn’t get sick on the spot.

Husband does what he always does when I get a headache. He picks everything up and keeps going. He fed the kids and treated our costumed friends. (BTW, as I’m writing this a HUGE black cat is stalking around in my back yard.) He got the kids into bed and then, I assume, stumbled into bed himself. Then, got up with them at 6:30 AM to start our crazy days all over again.

It’s over now. The good news is that it’s not likely that I’ll have another one for a while now.

When I woke up this morning, I had a horrible feeling of regret. I missed another series of moments in the lives of my kids. Those are 20 or so hours of my life that I’m not getting back.

I’m not really sure that I missed all that much. Halloween is not a favorite holiday of mine. Other than an excuse to eat candy, I really have never had a use for it. Little Man seems to be taking after his mom in this regard. He’s all about the candy and has not worn a costume since he’s been old enough to refuse to put one on. BK is too little to know or care. She just likes the action and attention. (Note: The HUGE black cat is still stalking around in my backyard.)

I guess that it all comes down to lack of control. I don’t ever know what I’m going to miss and I’m afraid one day it’ll be something really important.

I can’t control when they arrive (and I’m very thankful that they aren’t cronic). I just wish that they had a bit better timing. Wait, maybe they do. Maybe my haunted Halloween signals clear sailing for the rest of the holidays! I’d be all for that!

Here’s looking forward to an enjoyable and headache-free Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ll start by being thankful for a wonderful family and a headache that has taken a hike!

Welcome to the most wonderful time of the year!

PS. … and about that HUGE black cat. Well, he’s just jumped the fence looking for other places to stalk. I’m not superstitious and I like black cats – he’ll be back and we’ll enjoy watching his neighborhood hunting escapades!

Why Do People Blog?

This is the question Husband asked me last Friday night. Of course, his timing was brilliant as usual. He asked this immediately after reading my blog and the new About section.

Important Husband Note: Husband sometimes states things in a way that, at first glance, warrants a smack in the head. 99.99% if the time it’s just delivery – he doesn’t really mean it. I’ve been with him a long time. I didn’t take it personally.

But alas, that’s a rabbit trail for another time! Back to the question. Why do people blog?

What I found interesting is that I didn’t really have a good answer for him! How do you explain the blogosphere to someone who uses the Internet rather than lives on it?

So, right. There are

• marketing blogs – “let me tell you a pithy story and tie it back to my product or service”
• advocacy blogs – “let me tell you why you should see things my/our way”
• information blogs – “let me tell you what I know about…”
• personal blogs – “let me tell you random things about myself”
  • personal blogs for income – “I have lots of readers and have put ads on my site to support my blogging habit”
• family blogs – “let me keep you in touch with what’s going on in my family”
• picture blogs – “let me show you some pictures I just took”

Ahhh … yes, great. So, why is this blog worthy? I have no idea. It’s probably not. It’s Monday, I’m tired.

So, I guess that probably the biggest question he had (politely unspoken, thank you) is why do I blog.

It’s pretty simple really. I need to have a place to write simply to write and play with writing. Anne Lamott (one of my favorites, btw), says that if you want to be a writer, you need to write every day. She also says that most of what you write will be … well, let’s just paraphrase and say, “not good.”

It doesn’t matter if folks read what I write or not (although it’s always great to have feedback) … it just matters that I write … everyday! Who knows? Maybe a fabulous nugget will suddenly appear and I’ll expand on it and make millions.

It could happen … as long as I keep blogging!

Proverbial Post It

I’ve been on a bit of a cleaning binge the last few weeks. It’s like the nesting that I never went through when I was pregnant. Or, spring cleaning (only it’s so not spring). Or … who knows? I may just be completely crazy.

At any rate, I found a sticky on Sunday. A random green sticky just floating around with all of the other flotsam. On it? A Bible verse. No explanation – just a verse. Should have thrown it away, right? No context. Just a random sticky in the nightmare of clutter that comes from her-highness, the pack rat. (That would be me just in case you were wondering.)

This morning for some reason (my guess is those dang radio folks again – did I mention I should not listen to the radio in the morning?), Husband and I were talking about what we’d do if we won the lottery. It was the sort of interesting, yet trivial conversation that makes a 30 minute commute go faster and allows it to end with little or no stress. Nice, right?

So we decided that we’d get the kids set up, take care of the families, get a house at the beach, my truck, his car … you know, the usual.

I went through my day. He went through his.

On the way home, he told me that the brother of a friend of his at work won the lottery (2 million, I guess … not the 94 million that started the conversation this morning, but not too shabby!). So, we were back on the what would we do trip. Pretty much the same as before … just less! Good to know that we are at least consistent throughout a single day!

We went through our evening time, Kids fed. Football watched. Email taken care of.  Sticky note staring at me from a perch next to my mouse.

Are you still with me? This is the aforementioned sticky from the highness pack rat stash? OK … good!

The sticky said, “Proverbs 19:21.”

A small still voice said, “The Bible is right there. Look it up!”

I listen to the voices in my head.

Proverbs 19:21 said, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

‘Nuf said.

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