And I am.

I’m sorry that cancer stole the love of her life way too soon.

I’m sorry that she will know this pain so young.

I’m sorry that this family will have to find a way to live without this man they loved so much.

… and there is so much more.

I’m sorry that we didn’t spend more time together.

I’m sorry that we didn’t do more to help you fight.

I’m sorry that we weren’t there as much as we should have been.

I’m sorry for so many things.

Mostly, I’m so sorry that he’s gone.

I know he’s with God. I know that as sure as I’m here typing while tears rush down my face. He’s  no longer in pain – no longer suffering.

ET has gone home. I consider myself blessed to have known him. I consider myself doubly-blessed to have called him a friend.

So, when we got an invitation recently to get together with a group of other couples for a planned “dinner event” that required participation, we didn’t hesitate to RSVP, “yes!”

And then, when I posted this picture of the sangria that was served and got a please-pass-the-sangria response … well, I just had to describe the party. Because, if you’re planning a dinner party – or just want to do something different this summer, this is one I highly recommend!

Oh, and I should absolutely state for the record that this was not our idea. It was the brainchild of friends of ours who are GREAT get-together organizers! [If they got the idea from someplace else, I can't find it!]

So, we got an invitation that said,

The CoolPartyPlanners would like to invite you to join us for a dinner party on June 20, 2009. The catch is that YOU have to provide the dinner!

It’s a bit cheeky isn’t it? I love it!

The rules of the dinner are as follows:

• Each couple/family/team selects a country of their choice and RSVPs to the hosts with this information. This allows the hosts to be sure there are no duplicate countries and to plan out the food agenda for the evening.

• Each couple/family/team brings an entree, beverage, and appetizer or dessert from the country of their choice.  The serving size here is about 4-6 (depending on the number of couples/families/teams participating). The goal is to sample each dish rather than fill up!

• The hosts prepare a serving schedule to determine which country is served first. Depending upon the number of couples/families/teams, 30-45 minutes for each country works nicely.

• At the designated time, couples present their dishes – either in come-and-get-it style or with great aplomb – and the feasting begins.

The schedule might look something like this:

5:00 – Mexico

5:30 – Cuba

6:00 – Germany

6:30 – France

7:00 – Greece

our first course ... homemade guacamole ... yum

You might also schedule a walk (or at least a push away from the table) break in there somewhere because this will be a lot of food – a lot!

OK … now for a couple of practical live-and-learn things.

• All of the couples attending this little shindig had kids about the same age. So, kids were welcome to come and play. They ate Mac-n-Cheese and kool-aid! It was great and, for the most part, the grown-ups got to do their own thing. We got a babysitter for BK so that we could stay a bit later in the evening without worrying about her bedtime. But … this could be kid-full or kid-free with equal success.
• Given that there is a LOT of food and a LOT going on, it might be nice for the hosts NOT to cook! It kind of depends on the hosts, but really, providing the place and the “stuff” that goes with a dinner party is more than enough!
• This is way fun if folks try new dishes … stuff they’ve never cooked before! Nobody’s going home hungry if something doesn’t work so it’s a really safe time to try that new recipe from the food network! Same goes for eating … if you do this, make yourself a deal to try everything! You might be surprised! [I don't like guacamole - never have. Loved. Loved. Loved the guacamole served!!! Who knew?]
• If your party goers like adult beverages, make sure to remind them about the need for a DD! There are a lot of yummy adult beverages served around the world … many will show up!

End the evening, outside if possible, just enjoying the company while some brave and crazy souls go back for more food. It happened, I was a witness.

If anyone goes home hungry from this party, well, that’s just user error if you know what I mean!

I added some really good friends from way back and invited others. I began following some really interesting folks. I was on a roll and feeling connected.

I found the blog of a woman who has experienced a loss I can’t even begin to imagine – even though I’ve felt that kind of loss. Reading her words made me want to squeeze the breath right out of my kids. I’m not sure that I’ve ever missed my baby that fiercely.

I met a new Twitter friend – a real connection rather than just a follow/follower. I learned from her. It was a simple exchange that showed me how important it is to be human online … about the importance of reaching out with a simple thank you. I was stunned about the acceptance I felt with her simple, human action.

I found three friends from ages ago and was so glad to get the chance to possibly get to reconnect with these folks who were once so much a part of my everyday.

It was a rush of successful connecting in the still, quiet of a winter night. Smugness set in. It was a good night!

As I typed name-after-name and clicked profile-after-profile looking for connections, it never dawned on me that I would run into a snag. I was on a roll after all!

Well, turns out, I did find all of the friends I was looking for tonight. Most of my discoveries were happy and full of “Oh my gosh, it’s been so long!” But … not all of them ended on this note.

I’ve told you about the connections I made that made me smile … that made pray for a family I don’t know as I desperately missed hugging my children … that taught me something.

Now, I need to tell you about a connection that made me stop everything, gasp, and think. This is the connection that ultimately triggered this post.

Ages ago, when I was a senior in high school, I had a funny, smart, outgoing, beautiful, confident friend. She was younger than I but we got along so well that the age difference matter. We had some great times, inside jokes, and good laughs. I still have some of the letters we wrote.

We were two silly girls going to high school in a rural town.

She went on to do some impressive things. She had 2 Master’s degrees and was almost done with her PhD. She could name-drop (legitimately) … Yale, University Schools, Committee on This, Board of That, Political Advocate. She was published and she was brilliant. She was doing important work.

And she took her own life. She was 32.

I re-connected with her tonight – almost 5 years after her death – through her obituary.

The obituary said she was

A brilliant and charismatic presence in and out of the classroom, [she] gave of herself to her family, her friends, her students, her teachers, and her colleagues–all of whom deeply mourn her loss.

I remember the girl described in that statement – she was my friend. I would  have loved to see her teach. I would have loved to talk to her about her work. I would have loved to have re-connected with her – in any other way than this.

There are so many questions that will never have answers. I’m sure her family agonizes over these every day – I can’t imagine and I’ll pray for them.

What could life have been like to turn that smile off? To make the laughter quiet and the dancing stop? What could make going on so overwhelming that trying was no longer worth the effort?

I don’t understand and I’m angry … and I’m desperately sad that this beautiful woman is no longer here for us all to connect with.

I’ve been thinking about writing this letter for a couple of weeks now. You see, Thanksgiving is coming up and “thankful” discussions are everywhere. I’m frankly a bit behind in my thanks giving and well … well, I’m sorry about that.  

A couple of weeks ago, I heard Cynthia Tobias speak (yep, I know you know that). When she said that this society we live in focuses on deficits, it hit me like a rock. She was talking about students and schooling, but it goes much further than that. In all of the craziness (a.k.a., too few resources, too little time, too little sleep, too much grumpy), I often forget that there’s quite a lot to be thankful for. I thnk a lot of us do!

I am so thankful for:

• my family … this little family of mine is full of love and giggles
• my husband … who loves and supports this hard-to-live-with lady and who adores our children
• my son … who is equal parts devil and angel and who adores his Daddy and baby sister.
• my daughter … who brings a smile to everyone and who adores her big brother
• my parents … there are no words
• health … we are so fortunate
• my friends … old and new … who make me laugh, think, and enjoy life … some of whom are
• my colleagues … who make everyday an adventure and who stick with me no matter what
• my home … a place where my kids can play, laugh, learn, grow, and be safe
• music … I can’t imagine my life without it
• technology … I would be a liar if I didn’t include this … I’m thankful for connectedness!
• You … you allow me to be so disconnected and screwy at times and love me anyway

God, thank you for blessings beyond number. I need to go tuck Little Man into bed and tell him I love him (thank you) and I need to go check on BK and give her a kiss (thank you). 

I could go on and on about the gifts I am thankful for. As I close, I’m wondering if I’ve gotten all of the important ones listed. I’m thinking, perhaps, the ability to be thankful is what I should be the most thankful for this year – and every year. I am truly grateful for all we’ve been given!

Yours always,

Jen

It’s Christmas time and time for a carol. Time to sing about the little King. To fill the hall and roll out the barrel, have ourselves a fling.

Ahhh … The Carpenters. Gotta love ‘em.

For several weeks now, I’ve been thinking that I want to have a Christmas party. (If Husband is lurking, that statement should get him to crawl out and come to life!) I can picture it in my head and it all seems like a grand idea.

The house will be decorated for the holidays and will smell like gingerbread (from candles, I’ve got my limits and a very good candle distributor) or perhaps evergreen (I’ve got a good REAL TREE connection as well). The lights will be dim allowing the Christmas lighting do most of the heavy lifting. A fire will be burning outside in the fireplace. The night will be crisp and comfortable so – either out or in – everyone will be comfortable.

I’ve got a great new recipe book for dips that I’m dying to try so, I think I’ll go all out and set up an appetizer bar (which is, by the way, where you’ll be able to find me) and a buffet. On the buffet? Hmmm … let’s do a nice beef entree … something that melts in your mouth. We’ll go with a salad and a couple of simple veggies to round out the meal. Hot cider and chocolate and a good wine might be excellent choices to wet the whistle.

In the background, you’ll hear a soft mixture of Christmas favorites – I’ve got some amazing instrumental tracks that would be wonderful background music for this little soiree.

The guest list will include friends, old and new, who will talk easily as they moved through the evening. No stress. Just time to talk with friends, catch up on family happenings, and tell great stories about years past.

There, all planned. Well, except for a few fairly important things. You know, things like

• What date will work?
• Who’s going to clean this house?
• Where are we going to put all of the toys?
• Who’s going to cook? (I can eat with the best of them. Cooking for more than a few … yeh, not going to end well, I think.)
• Where are the kids going to be while all of this sophisticated adult stuff is going on?

I’ll stop with those because they are the ones keeping me from sending out invitations at this point.

Here’s what is cool about this whole thing. Ready?

We are lucky enough to have a lot of friends who would attend this party that I’ve described. But those same friends would be just as likely to come join us for hamburgers and brats or pizza – in a house full of toys and kids.

See, the thing is, when you get right down to it? This Martha Stewart vision I’ve got is about all of the things from my childhood that scream, “It’s Christmas.” None of it, however, IS Christmas.

So, I’ll see y’all at … hmmm … (insert eating establishment here) and we’ll connect.  I’ll catch some of you on Facebook. Others, I’ll call. Of course, I’ll meet you all here!

However we connect … we’ll connect. Welcome to the party!