For most of my life, fellowship has had a very church-specific meaning. First, it was a plac – Fellowship Hall – that was synonymous with cookies and punch and lots of kids running everywhere. Then, it became part of the religion itself. It was something important to do … to gather in Christian fellowship (meaning gather with those who believe to learn and share).

I knew the word. I knew what it meant in my sphere of experience. I thought I had it down. Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t. I never really had cause to think to much about it until recently.

I have a colleague who has an amazing way of putting things into perspective at just the right time and with just the right words. And, while we typically discuss and try to solve work-related issues, I’ve found that the majority of the time the conversations are applicable in other parts of my life as well. These kinds of unintended consequences are most welcome!

Recently, the topic of fellowship came up and, after the conversation, what I’d ” known” seemed to fall short of the mark. [This is, frankly, the coolest part about learning - and perhaps about fellowship itself.]

In a nutshell, my concept of fellowship was about getting together in a sort of friendship – sort of a social event with purpose. Folks coming together to enjoy each other’s company … a generally warm and fuzzy existence with like-minded people.

That type of fellowship is fine and, I suppose, even important. But, I’m wondering how purposeful it is in the world in which we currently find ourselves.

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the state of the world. And, as I’ve written before, it seems to be a mess. [Scary. Ack.]

I’ve also been digging into how folks are using social-networking sites and the so-called Web 2.0 technologies to create the idea of community on the web. There are a lot of really cool things going on – and the cool typically will bring out the scary for a time!

I’m seeing, in my old definition and experience of fellowship, that there’s not a whole lot of room for growth. Warm and fuzzy doesn’t necessarily breed opportunities for learning and innovation. This growth usually comes out of comparatively harsh environments – places where almost everything is questioned. [It strikes me as I write this that mold grows in warm, undisturbed places ... I don't want to get moldy! I don't think that's conducive with the point of fellowship!!]

So, I’ve begun to look fellowship a bit differently. The rethink started with a single conversation and continued as I continue with my almost constant and insatiable need to discover of the possibilities of community in the world online (which started around 1995 and has only increased).

My new understanding about what fellowship is (and can be) included a look at literature. [Frankly, I think most things could begin with a look at literature and I'm not sure why I'm always so surprised when a good book teaches me something long after I've read it.]

In The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkien places 9 folks on a mission – a majorly intense quest filled with urgency and danger. Quests of this nature are certainly not uncommon in literature.

But …

In the journey of  this chosen 9, Tolkien gave readers an unforgettable definition and description of the power of fellowship. He gave this particular set of 9 characters a mutually valued, common goal. [OK. still not necessarily mind-bending with regard to fellowship.]

But …

The 9 were remarkably different. They had vastly different lives, experiences, belief structures, and loads of differing opinions. In fact, some in the group were sworn enemies. Far from being warm and fuzzy, this group was fairly hostile toward each other. Not an easy road to travel but together, for the good of the goal, they did some great things.

In the midst the synthetic process, [er, uh, synthesizing all of this information into something that I can wrap my head around and use in more global situations] I decided that fellowship, Lord of the Rings-style, is probably a key to the success of a great many things.

The beauty of this kind of fellowship is that we can do great things together in spite of the fact that some of the group don’t like each other all that much. It means that we need to act civilly, but can be honest about what we believe. We can celebrate strengths and lift up weaknesses. It means that fellowship, while a vitally important part of religion, also transcends it.

It means that positive can come from conflict. We’ve got a lot of conflict and disagreement these days. There is a lot to gain from overcoming it – regardless of how difficult the journey may be.

I’m finding hope in that.

Hmmm … fellowship of the hopeful? No, fellowship of the positive. Hmmm … no, not quite right.

Yeh, I think there’s a story waiting to be written there!

Years ago, when we were thinking about moving in order to have some more space for Little Man, the biggest tug to stay put was the fact that we had the most amazing set of neighbors … and had for years. It was the kind of group where everyone had keys to everyone else’s home (which, to be honest, freaked me out when I married into the neighborhood). It was the kind of neighborhood where no pet was ever left out or neglected or taken to a kennel for vacation. It was sweet.

Slowly, but surely, the group began to move out … on to larger homes to support growing families or new work commutes or new marriages. The reasons to stay became fewer and the reasons to go became greater. So, we made the jump.

While we were house shopping and preparing to move, we were constantly worried about the neighbors. I mean, you can’t recreate what we had. Lightening doesn’t strike twice. 

Or, does it?

After a few years at our new location, it appears those neighbor worries were unfounded. While we don’t have the history with these folks that we had with our other neighbors, the bonds are there and time will take care of the rest.

Our newly formed merry little band takes care of each other. We watch pets, help move furniture, babysit for a night out, have Superbowl parties, keep watchful eyes … all of the stuff that good friends and good neighbors do.

So, one again we are blessed. And thankful. 

Now that I think of it, I’ve been blessed with good neighbors for the majority of my life. When I’ve known those sharing my street or complex, we’ve always had a great connection and a sense of community.

Hmm … when I’ve known them. Is it possible that we’ve got good neighbors because we are good neighbors? (I should come clean here and fess up. Husband is a fabulous neighbor. I’m working on it, but I’m not all that great to be honest).

I think there may be something to this idea of mutual togetherness and why it may work. Something bigger than any given neighborhood and as old as time.

Bill and Ted said it well…

Be excellent to each other!

I no longer use the potty without at least one visitor (and, yes, “using the potty” is the current and correct terminology). Phone calls are NEVER uninterrupted. I do not shower or get dressed without someone loitering in the master bathroom and dressing area. Husband and I must email each other to talk about issues that affect Little Man because he hears and understands way too much otherwise. I don’t even blog alone most nights.

We are simply always together. We like it that way – most of the time.

At work, my office has two walls that are made of glass. Everyone can see me and I can see everyone. The space my team works in is separated from another part of the building by a glass wall. It’s a bit like a fishbowl.

But again, we’ve gotten used to it and we like it that way – most of the time.

Online, I’m less willing to relinquish my privacy. OK, I can see how you might think that an odd statement given that you are reading a blog about my life and it’s pretty much out there for everyone to see, read, make judgements about, etc.

The concept of being anonymous online is very appealing – even seductive. There are not many places anymore – online or off - where folks can ”disappear” and be completely uninhibited … free with their words and actions.  You know, sort of like Lord of the Flies without a lot of the mess.

For a period of time, I think the Internet offered that sort of underground anonymity that was a great diversion from everyday life where someone is always in your kitchen. Thing is, somewhere along the line, the Internet went a little more mainstream. When that happened a lot of the denizens of this early online underground found themselves back on the surface.

OK, this is a really simplistic view and the real denizens are still very much underground. But there really are a whole bunch of folks who really haven’t come to grips that there is ultimately no such thing as anonymity.

Don’t believe me? Check this article out … from The Charlotte Observer.

There are elements of this situation in Charlotte that stun me and elements that I have no trouble believing. I understand the action taken by the district – there’s a sort of unwritten teachers-as-role-model rule that you just can’t break and have any credibility remain. 

Truth be told? I’m actually more concerned about what this says about the common sense of those involved! I want my kids to have good role models, but surrounding them with competent adults who have and use good old fashioned common sense is equally important to me! (There’s a argument brewing about teachers having the right to live their lives … I can just feel it!) 

But again, I digress.

Even in Lord of the Flies (which, by the way, I HATED in high school), things eventually started to level out. The boys created their own hierarchy and began to restore some order to the chaos. It’s happening online as I type … and the whole thing is taking a normal path! 

For a long time, one of the cons of kids (and adults) being online is that they were being antisocial. There was this huge outpouring of concern that somehow online communities would somehow reduce our humanity. Well … looks like, once again, human nature is just too strong.

Turns out the “ambient awareness” created by our online chatter and community building is actually humanizing the whole experience. (You can check a blog about this article here.) We are – as a community – learning how to be human online! Yay for us!

I’m not going to argue that there is a lot of work left to do. Common sense is seemingly less common than it once was (although I’m not sure that’s a completely fair statement). Kids are the early adopters and have experienced some really messy social situations. They’ve worked out ways to be – much like they do in real life (which is a sort of ridiculous descriptor because the Internet and online friends are very much part of REAL life). Adults are catching up and now wondering about how to best guide students and children (hmm, sound like a familiar historical pattern?).

Terry Freedman disccussed this very thing in a recent blog post (techLEARNING). I think my absolute favorite paragraph is this one…

Is it possible to be a public person and still retain one’s privacy? Of course it is, but it takes thought and effort. I think that what we really ought to be helping youngsters understand is not how to be totally private, which we hypocritically cannot manage to do ourselves, but to work out the right (for them) balance of privacy and openness, taking into account common sense and circumstances.

This is clearly not a “kids only” issue. We all need to learn together!

Most days, I think I’ve found my balance, but I’ll always have to check my equilibrium or I’ll fall on my bum. That’s part of the beauty of the whole thing. It’s dynamic and exciting. It’s full of friends, collaboration, learning, and possibilities.

It’s just not completely private! Hmmm … kind of like real life.

A cool 8 million women a month later, BlogHer seems to have reached it’s goal.

I’m still learning about this group and I’m not sure what I think. My initial reaction is WOW! I love the idea of a community of bloggers – not just because they share a software or web provider, but because they share a common interest (blogging).

My follow-up reaction is … ack … ads, ads, everywhere! I mean it’s nuts! Too much. Overwhelming.

Having said that, I’m impressed at the number of highly intelligent folks out there who are writing – many of them daily – on topics across the spectrum. I’m intrigued at the power of their words and their sheer number. I’m curious about what I might add to the dialog as I feel my way around the blogosphere.

If you visit, and I recommend at least a peek, be prepared for the gammut. BlogHer is, after all, a community and the bloggers there write about the real world - with all of its joys and imperfections. Bottom line? It takes all kinds to make life interesting … and BlogHer is nothing if not interesting!

Happy Reading!