Bad Mommy Gets it Right – Maybe

There are several alternate titles for this post. Among them,

• Taking the Easy Way Out
• It’s about Dang Time
• Whew, Dodged a Bullet There
• #1 Reason Grammy’s Rule

Your are now fully intrigued, no?

I may have mentioned before that Little Man is not a very good sleeper. He’s just not. If I think about it, he never has been. At the root of it all, I think is this simple fact … he doesn’t want to miss anything. Little Man is also an opportunist – as most 5-year-olds are.

If you combine those two elements with a new baby sister on  the way, you get … bad mommy!

Here’s how it works.

When I was in the last months of pregnancy with BK (a.k.a., Louie), I couldn’t easily get to the level of Little Man’s trundle bed to read to him. So, he got to read with me on our bed where, snuggled in, he often fell asleep – soundly asleep. Fast forward about 20 months and you find Little Man sleeping on the floor in our bedroom.

[You can gasp if you like. You might even want to "tsk" or shake your head. I'm OK with that too. You might want to nod knowingly. I've gotten it all. Little Man is not shy about flaunting this Bad Mommy behavior of mine!]

Although I know that he cannot sleep on our bedroom floor forever, I must tell you that he sleeps well there. He goes to bed when we ask him to and he sleeps through the night. This is not a phenomenon we experienced when he was in his own bed/room.

Oh, and if you ask him about it, you’ll get something like this.

I don’t sleep well. I need some of that stuff they show on TV for people who can’t sleep at night. But, I like my pallet here in “our” room. I’ll sleep in my bed when I’m 5 6.

If he’s feeling like he needs to impress you, he’ll tell you more (including a myriad of “logical” reasons why it’s necessary for him to sleep there) and you will laugh at the seriousness silliness seriousness of it all.

We’ve been working on this for what seems like forever and, frankly, we’ve just not been motivated enough to get him sleeping where he needs to be sleeping. We’re afraid that we won’t sleep and we’re just too old and wimpy to be going without sleep anymore. [There, I said it.]

Enter Grammy and our little Louie (BK).

The kids have gone to Grammy’s for their summer sabbatical. [We hope they want to come home.] When we set this all up, there was some discussion about where the kids would sleep because Gram doesn’t have a crib. Gram decided Louie could handle a toddler bed and made it so.

[My mother has this power, you know. She says things like, "He will be potty trained by Friday." And, he was. It's a little awe-inspiring and a tad overwhelming.]

Little Man decided that he and Louie should sleep in the same room at Grammy’s and made it so. It’s been a happy 3 weeks!

Bad Mommy heard about all of this happy sleeping and had an idea! A wonderful idea! A-ha!!!

We could move Louie to a toddler bed in her room and Little Man could sleep in the big kid bed in that room! Brilliant! They are of an age where sharing a room isn’t a big deal and he’d be OFF MY FLOOR!!!! Woot!

So, my mom asked Little Man what he thought of the plan. This is what she said he said.

I would like to share a room with Louie and help her feel safe in the toddler bed when we get home. I am her big brother and it would be a good idea for us to be in the same room. I would also like to make my bedroom a toy room so we could have another place to play.

Whew. Really? This might actually work. So, taking stock, here’s where we are.

• Brilliant plan hatched? Check
• Preschooler buy-in? Check
• Toddler bed acquired? Check
• Big bed readied for new tenant? Check

I’m now holding my breath for when they arrive home. Good news, though … my mother is staying for a week.

• Bad Mommy problem #97 solved? Maybe!

One Thing I’m Not

There are many things I’m not. This post is about one of them. [Can you just feel the foreshadowing for other posts to come? Oh, the excitement of it all.]

I am not a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I’m not. I don’t even pretend to be.  I don’t even pretend that I actually have a choice in this whole conversation anymore. [I did once and Husband actually laughed at me - not with me - AT me. Don't be too hard on him, he was right.]

Now, when I say that I’m not a SAHM, I don’t mean that I have children and I earn my living outside the home (although this is very true about me). I mean that I am not – right down to the smallest cellular processes in my body – wired to be a SAHM.

I’m saying that me as a SAHM = train wreck. Savvy?

[The upside to a train wreck is that it makes for interesting blog posts. It's just not really good for my kids!]

I was reminded of all of this today because, today, mom (me) stayed home with BK who had a fever and couldn’t go to school.  [I'm qualifying that because sometimes I stay home while the kids go to school. This is called a vacation day. Sometimes Husband and I stay home with the kids together. This is also called a vacation day or a "stay home day".]

BK and I had a very good day. I mean, she was running a fever and was very particular about what she wanted to do but, all-in-all, I can’t really complain about my day with my daughter. It was very nice.

But …

I got nothing done. I stayed in my pjs all day. My world became all about her and what she needed. I took very good care of her. We laughed and played and napped … and my mind started to spin out of control. By the end of the day, I felt drugged.

It wasn’t until Husband came home that I realized I’d been holding my breath for about 2 hours. I was just waiting for he and Little Man to get home so that I could get my brain functioning back to normal. I needed them to take care of BK so I could take care of me for a bit.

There was a time when I felt embarassed about this admission. It sounds so selfish – particularly when this is only a one day thing in my world. Somedays I’m still living in that time. Most days, I know my limitations. Many days, I accept those limitations.

After 40 years, here’s what I know. I am good at working. I love to do it. I’ve chosen a profession that,  for me, is a calling. It’s almost what I am and how I’m defined. I’m moving away from that as I explore other areas of interest, but work will always be play for me on some level.

I also know that I’m a pretty good mom – as long as I’m working. I have to have that balance or I become very imbalanced [I know, it's a wickedly brilliant statement ... and, yes, I meant it in the "mental" way.]

I guess what I’m saying is that I adore my children. I love them to death. And, because I love them, I go to work. It makes me a better mommy.

Hopefully, they will appreciate that their mom understood herself … and, hopefully, they’ll learn about their own strengths along the way.

As I get ready to publish this post, my brain is back in order. Husband is working on his computer. My son is snuggled in for the night under an impossible pile of blankets and a sleepy I love you. BK is almost fever free and sleeping  in her room.

We are blessed … in so many ways.

Ready or NOT, Here it Comes…

2009 will be here soon. As I wander around and think about it coming, I have to say that I’m not all that thrilled with the prospect. I liked 2008. It was a pretty good year all-in-all and what I’m seeing coming at my family in 2009 is, frankly,  a little scary for my tastes.

It’s an odd place for me to be, actually. I usually like change. I like the adventure of it and the possibilities it brings. I like to take chances and tackle the big stuff. But, I have to say, that this is the first year I can remember where I didn’t anticipate the arrival of the next year. It’s the first time I can remember feeling more aprehension than anticipation. It’s not a good feeling. I’d like very much to snap out of it!

So, what gives?

The short answer? The world seems to be an absolute mess. [Yeh, mmmm .... that might be a gross understatement.]

In the past week, the news has told of a rapidly failing economy, violence in Gaza, a man who killed his ex-wife and much of her family while dressed as Santa,  troop movements in Pakistan, political unrest in several spots, and a man who shot a guy for talking during a movie. There’s more, of course, but it’s too depressing to list.

The good news? There wasn’t much – at least not that got top billing anywhere. To top it all off, it was reported the other day that President-elect Obama has said that it’s going to get worse before it gets better. [He was referring to the economy, but frankly, there are so many things tied to the economy that the cynic in me kicked in.]

My gut thought? [right after I vowed to stop watching CNBC] Great. Fabulous.  It’s madness now.

I think that the biggest struggle for me is that I have no idea what’s coming  next. There’s a lot that’s broken and I feel as if I’m powerless to fix it. I hate that feeling – that helplessness. It’s depressing and, if I let it, it will become debilitating.

So, 2009 is coming and I’d just as soon stay in 2008. Hmmm … new territory. What’s to be done?

I guess I’ll do what I’ve always done – the best I can.

• I’ll love my family and friends with all that I can.
• I’ll work at being a better wife, mom, manager, writer, human … a better me.
• I’ll try to learn something new every day.
• I’ll try to teach something new every day.
• I’ll go to work at a job I love and I’ll relish working with great people while I look forward to tackling new challenges and exciting possibilities (and there surely will be some of both – it’s one of the things I love about my job). 
• I’ll get up every day and participate in life.
• I’ll encourage others to do the same.

That’s really all any of us can do, isn’t it? Aren’t those really our resolutions?

All of this was floating around my subconscious when I opened a Christmas card from my Aunt. She’s always had a knack for the right words at the right time. This is what she wrote.

May the joy and peace of the Christmas season fill your hearts and home. May the new year find you happy and healthy. May the Lord guide our leaders and give them wisdom. May we all be up to the changes!

The last line grabbed me. So well said. So needed.

So, here’s to 2009 – challenges and all. Let’s feel the fear and do it anyway*!

May we all be granted wisdom when it’s needed and may we all be up to the changes!

*Note: Susan Jeffers wrote a book by this title in 1988 or so. I’ve never read it, although I think my mom has because this title was posted over the desk in her office for a time. That title - the power in those words - has served me well over the last 15 or so years!

Did You Stay on Green Today?

As I may have mentioned earlier (I am NOT Ready for Kindergarten!), Little Man is moving out of the traditional day care situation and is now in the magical world of pre-K. His wonderful teachers are getting him ready for Kindergarten and the world of formal education. This is a challenge. No doubt about it.

One of the things they have implemented is a spotlight behavior management system (Mrs. Murphy uses it in her Kindergarten class and was kind enough to explain it on her webpage. I have no idea who Mrs. Murphy is, but I’m really glad she has a website right now!)

The cool thing about the whole thing is that Little Man is crazy about responsibilities and making good choices. OK, not as crazy about is as he is about “makin’ smoke” but it’s a regular topic of conversation!

But, as with all rainbows, there is some rain!

Every morning, Little Man reminds us all to stay on green all day.

Make good choices, Mom! Stay on green!

And off we go to our respective places of work.

Have I mentioned that Little Man does not forget anything? Yeh, well, he’s got a mind like a steel trap – unless it’s about being told that he absolutely cannot have candy for dinner!

So, every evening, Little Man asks us if we stayed on green all day. It usually goes something like this.

Little Man: Mom? Did you stay on green today?

Me: Hmm … let me see. Uhh … nope, I think I was on yellow today.

Little Man: What did you do?

Me: Well, I got angry at someone and had to say I was sorry.

Little Man: Dad, Mom did not stay on green today. She does not get a sticker.

Now, I have a great many days that I do earn a sticker. I manage to stay on green more often than not. And, Little Man does not always stay on green … it’s almost always the no running in the classroom rule! I could always just tell him that I stayed on green, but what exactly does that teach him. He’s a smart kid and he pays attention. He’s under no delusions that his mother is well-behaved all the time. Nor, I think, would I want him to. If he thought that, how would he ever learn how to deal with moments where he’s made a bad choice!

However, I must tell you that the simple fact that I have to face the music each night makes me think about my choices. I absolutely do not want Little Man to think that his Mom cannot stay on green! And … I don’t think I want my colleagues to think that I can’t either! I really don’t want to be “that kid” … been there, done that, have the report card to prove it!

So, it gets simple. Did you make good choices today? Did you stay on green?

PS. The cool thing about choices that you always get a fresh “green” start every day … for the ornery among us, that’s a real blessing!

Proverbial Post It

I’ve been on a bit of a cleaning binge the last few weeks. It’s like the nesting that I never went through when I was pregnant. Or, spring cleaning (only it’s so not spring). Or … who knows? I may just be completely crazy.

At any rate, I found a sticky on Sunday. A random green sticky just floating around with all of the other flotsam. On it? A Bible verse. No explanation – just a verse. Should have thrown it away, right? No context. Just a random sticky in the nightmare of clutter that comes from her-highness, the pack rat. (That would be me just in case you were wondering.)

This morning for some reason (my guess is those dang radio folks again – did I mention I should not listen to the radio in the morning?), Husband and I were talking about what we’d do if we won the lottery. It was the sort of interesting, yet trivial conversation that makes a 30 minute commute go faster and allows it to end with little or no stress. Nice, right?

So we decided that we’d get the kids set up, take care of the families, get a house at the beach, my truck, his car … you know, the usual.

I went through my day. He went through his.

On the way home, he told me that the brother of a friend of his at work won the lottery (2 million, I guess … not the 94 million that started the conversation this morning, but not too shabby!). So, we were back on the what would we do trip. Pretty much the same as before … just less! Good to know that we are at least consistent throughout a single day!

We went through our evening time, Kids fed. Football watched. Email taken care of.  Sticky note staring at me from a perch next to my mouse.

Are you still with me? This is the aforementioned sticky from the highness pack rat stash? OK … good!

The sticky said, “Proverbs 19:21.”

A small still voice said, “The Bible is right there. Look it up!”

I listen to the voices in my head.

Proverbs 19:21 said, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

‘Nuf said.