As I was doing the morning dishes (and, let’s not kid, last night’s and those from yesterday’s lunch),  I started thinking about being thankful. And, I am very thankful!

• I’m thankful for the piles and piles of dishes that I have to do today – because it means that my family has enough food to put on the table at every mealtime.
• I’m thankful for the loads and loads of laundry that I have to do today – because it means that we have clothes on our back.
• I’m thankful for the diapers I have to change today (and the fights that will come with stopping Louie long enough to get them changed) – because it means that we have a wonderful, feisty baby girl who is happy and healthy and … growing up too fast.
• I’m thankful for the sand that I will have to sweep up today – because it means that my very active Little Man has been doing what he loves and will be anxious to tell us all about it (over and over again). It means he’s healthy and happy and … growing up too fast.
• I’m thankful for the squabbles I’ll have to mediate today – because it means that the kids have each other and because I will eventually get to see them hug and tell each other, “I love you!”.
• I’m thankful for the insane amount of vacuuming that will need done – because it means that my house is truly a home and … a well lived in one at that!
• I’m thankful for the nagging that Husband will show up after dinner. The reminders of what is not done even though we are bone tired (Wait, it’s not going to be starting after dinner. He just popped his head in the door to tell me that blogging isn’t going to get the furniture rearranged.) – because it means that I have a Husband who is actively involved in everything this family does. A Husband who cares about tradition and family and togetherness.

I have so very, very many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. They are simply too many to count.

My family wishes you family a safe, healthy, and very blessed Thanksgiving!

For the past year or so, I’ve been looking into our family’s past. I think it’s important for us to know how and where we’ve come from and we are getting to the point where many of our “primary sources” are starting to be of an age where they no longer remember things as they once did. If we don’t do it now, there will be many things lost forever.

So, I’ve been painstakingly trying to harness the collective memory. It’s been both frustrating and exciting!

I started with a group of folks I knew well – or thought I did. The stories behind the photos – the life stories – are captivating and quirky and real. And, they make me love these folks even more than I already did.

my great grandfather, my grandfather, and his brother there's a story here

my grandmother and her brother

Recently, we attended a family reunion and I was able to meet a whole branch of the family tree for the very first time. Having these folks in one place led me to a treasure trove … of both family and memories!

Aren’t these folks stunning in their best attire? This marriage led to Husband being here on this earth – without it, he doesn’t exist. It’s stunning when you think about it from that perspective. Stunning and humbling.

As we met folks that day, looked at old pictures, and chatted about all sorts of things, I was struck by the continuity of it all.

my father-in-law and his sister - he hasn't changed a bit!

Generation to generation – some things different, many things the same. And it’s part of everything we are now and everything we will be.

This weekend, as I sat with my eyes closed, I remembered and encounter I had with Little Man.I guess before I start, it would be helpful to give you a bit of background. Hmmm…

1. Little Man loves his fish … although he can’t really remember their names from one day to the next.
2. The average life span of a fish in my care is not long – particularly if they are goldfish.
3. After I killed several goldfish, we bought fish of heartier stock – with the help of the lovely people at PetSmart.
4. I have not killed these yet. (I don’t suppose that’s a necessary detail, I’m just proud of myself.)
5. Little Man is convinced that his fish need a house and a plant. Our fish tank isn’t big enough for both.
6. The fishbowl is my job around here. All mine!

Just before Grammy came, I cleaned out the fishbowl. It was getting kind of nasty and I had some time so I just did my thing. I didn’t think to much about it at all, actually. I cleaned the bowl, replaced the stones and the filter, and swapped out the plant that had been in the take with the house that we’d used before. No fish died in the process and the kids weren’t even aware that I was cleaning the tank. No biggie.

the castle and the algae sucker

So, finished with the bowl, I went on to other things. I was in the office working on something and all of a sudden Little Man runs in with a HUGE smile on his face. HUGE! [I initially wondered what he'd gotten into. Candy seemed to be a logical guess.]

“THANKS, MOM!”, was followed by a hug the size of his grin.

Startled, I asked, “Little Man, you are very welcome. But, I’m not sure what I did.”

He said, “You put the castle in the fish tank.”

I had no idea. No idea at all that this castle meant that much to him. Wanna know something else? I had no idea how much I loved this type of spontaneous hug.

Have you ever had the experience of not missing something because you’d never had it before, but then really missing it once you found out what you were missing?

Yeh, me too. I miss him. I miss them.

Spontaneous hugs all around!

Here are my “5 Things” about Sedona.

1. Peace

There is something about Sedona and the Red Rock area that puts me at peace. I’m not sure what it is. I just know that when I’m there, the stupid self talk stops and the still,quiet voice inside gets heard.  Also, I think I’m just generally a much nicer, happier person when I’m there. That self talk can do a real number on your disposition.

The Sedona area is said to be the location of some spiritual vortexes and there are certainly quite a few folks making money selling tours and what I’ll call “vortex paraphernalia”.

Depending on your beliefs, you can chalk it up to the vortexes supposedly there, I guess. My personal beliefs don’t necessarily run that way, but I can’t deny that there is something different about the place. I just know that when I can use a little peace in my life, I’ll find it in Sedona.

2. Diversity

Sedona is a place where everyone can find something. For such a small town, that’s pretty amazing. And the diversity is everywhere in everything!

• You can tent camp next to Oak Creek or find a posh $250+ a night bed and breakfast. [We splurged one year ... if you are going to splurge on a B&B in Sedona, I can recommend this one!]
• You can find a quick deli snack or a $50+ a plate meal.
• You can be in the desert one minute and in a riparian area – so green you can’t imagine – it in the next.

I’ve not been there yet with someone who didn’t find something to like about the place. You can go to shop, hike, visit galleries, mountain bike, ride horses, or just hang out. In the times I’ve visited, I’m not sure that we’ve ever done the same thing twice. It’s all good!

3. Umm …  Red Rocks

OK, seriously. There is no place on earth like Red Rock country. I actually think it’s better than the Grand Canyon – although that might be because it’s more accessible.

The colors are just stunning everywhere you turn and the formations are just awesome. Most pictures don’t do the area justice … although on our recent trip, I certainly tried! [It's an amazing place to practice your photography habit!]

One of my favorite places to visit is the Chapel of the Holy Cross. The architecture is just amazing and the church itself is so simple. The simplicity makes it a perfect match for the amazing “cathedral” of rocks around it. I just love it!

There are hikes and tours to just about anywhere you would want to go want to go – and you can find something suitable for all ages and abilities. [I don't hike, normally. I will here. It didn't/doesn't kill me.]

At the end of the day, however you get wherever you get, a good long sit and stare is necessary and appropriate!

4. Water

When you are surrounded by desert, water is important – and interesting – and wonderful. Oak Creek is life to the areas around Sedona. The area gets about 10 inches of rain each year and depends on the run off from the Flagstaff area. But, no matter what the season, water is a main attraction.

In the summer, Slide Rock State Park is packed with folks trying to cool off in the cold waters of Oak Creek. I must tell you that it’s not my cup of tea … but clearly it works for a lot of people!

I think I prefer to experience the life of the canyons here in other ways. I love to sit and eat at The Hideaway where you can thoroughly enjoy a great pizza and cream soda (or whatever you like) on a terrace overlooking Oak Creek. And I’ve recently ventured into the canyon itself … the hikes into the Oak Creek area – West Fork Oak Creek Trail and Huckaby Trail were two that got us “waterside” and allowed us to see the area from a different perspective!

5. Tlaquepaque

OK … this may be a stretch, but I have to put Tlaquepaque (pronounced Tla-keh-pah-keh) in the mix just because it’s a fun word to say!

Seriously though, you can watch artists sculpt in clay as they prepare the models for amazing bronze sculptures. You can get a great meal. [Can I get a WOOT for beer-battered fries prepared in the local brew?] You can sit and listen to musicians play in the courtyards. It’s an amazing place … and one of the many places to see artists of all kinds in the Sedona area.

Oh, and the flowers, fountains, and sycamore trees in this place are just wonderful! And, at Christmastime? Forget it. You just want to stay!

For me Tlaquepaque represents all of the cool places to discover in the Sedona area. It’s a place where you can see/get things you just can’t anywhere else – some are pretty pricey (fantastic art usually is) and some are perfect for taking a bit of Sedona home with you.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you get a chance to visit Sedona, don’t turn it down. Whether for the day or for the week, it’s worth it. Yep, everyone goes there – it’s not off of the vacation radar. There’s a reason for that – embrace it!

Oh, and while you’re there? Don’t be afraid to “go off-road” a bit. There is a lot to see and do … and learn!

[Wow. I may have just sounded like your mother there. Sorry about that! Now, go book your ticket! What are you waiting for???]

the happy expecting couple (we had no clue)

When Husband and I decided to get married, there was never any doubt that we would have children. Although we met and got married “later in life”, it was just a given that we would have a family. We were youthful – if not young – and idealistic. Life was good! [Life is still good, by the way. Very good!]

About seven years ago, Husband and I found out we were expecting for the first time. It was mid-June and just after our wedding reception.

[There's a running joke that we got pregnant between our wedding and reception. We did, actually ... the dates were like 3 months apart.]

We no sooner found out – and had time to get excited – than I miscarried. Six weeks – two days. We were devastated.

finding reasons to be thankful

Not long after that we learned that we were expecting the second time. This time, we were cautious. We ran tests, prayed, and waited. At about 5 weeks, we knew that I would miscarry. The tests said so.  It was Thanksgiving. We gave thanks and prayed that the tests were wrong. They weren’t. I miscarried at six weeks – two days. We were devastated.

I believe that faith and parenthood/fatherhood are necessary companions. We had faith. We had pain and grief and all that goes with miscarriage. We were scared, but we had faith.

The doctors assured me that it was likely that there was nothing wrong – that miscarriages are quite common. We took solace in that and decided to just be faithful and see what would happen.

Several months went by before we found ourselves expecting for the third time. This time we were just plain scared. We were also “activists”. We asked questions, learned a whole lot of medical terms, ran tests, and were cautiously optimistic. Then we started watching the calendar for the dreaded six weeks – two days. The numbers on the tests weren’t right, but the hCG numbers were going up so … we prayed and prepared.

Six weeks – two days. No miscarriage. Six weeks – three days. Six weeks – four days. No miscarriage.

I will never forget the appointment – the day when my OB said, “Looks like you are going to have to raise this one.” Never.

a father is born

Just about 9 months (and several anxious moments of our own making) later, we were blessed with Little Man. In that moment, in that messy, scary, exciting, crazy moment a father was born as well. It was instant – a sort of rush of all of the emotion that comes with the journey to the moment. He had no idea what do to, but he was hooked.

Husband grew up the youngest of three kids. He never babysat and, until he met me, he’d not spent a lot of time with children at all. Now, he had a little one depending on him all of the time. I’m sure that it scared him to death. But, we never saw it.

Little Man had Husband uncovering feelings that he never knew existed. He was our little bundle of shock and awe. Husband loved him more and more every day and, today, they have a bond so strong that I can’t imagine a power strong enough to tear it apart. I am in awe of their relationship.

Roughly four years later, we decided that Little Man needed a sibling brother. We weren’t going to have another child – you can ask anyone. We were content. And, then, all of a sudden, we weren’t. And, then? Nah, we’re good. But, then? We really should. It was insane.

We really couldn’t decide. And then we did. We decided that we were read to do this crazy dance all over again.

The first month, I just knew I wasn’t pregnant. I just knew it. I didn’t feel pregnant. But, I checked anyway and uh, yeh … WRONG! So, we quickly got a grip and counted on the calendar. Our first healthy milestone was that six week – two day mark.

The doctors tested me out the wazoo – almost 40 with a history of miscarriage earns you a lot of needles in early pregnancy! I was on a business trip and bugged the sin out of the nurses at my doctor’s office. But, there they were – perfectly textbook hCG numbers and, then a strong heartbeat. We were going to have another baby. Little Man was going to have a brother.

our tiny baby girl

Yeh, except that God had some other plans. Little Man apparently needed a sister. Who knew? And, as it turns out? Daddy needed a baby girl.

When we found out BK was not a boy there was some denial going on. Husband refused to buy in to what the nurses and ultrasound pictures were saying. She was a boy. What would we do with a girl? He already had the boy thing down.

But, sure enough, little BK showed up a tad ahead of schedule and full of healthy (if tiny) spunk! At 5 pounds 12 ounces, she was SO tiny and feminine – the complete opposite of her big brother.

And, Daddy? Well, if I am to be honest, I’d tell you that he was just scared. He stayed back this time … loving, but a little standoffish. He loved, supported, took care of … but didn’t really bond initially.

She was so small and so pink … and Little Man needed him … and she was so small and fragile.

Then, one morning in the first part of her second month, I looked over at the rocking chair and saw a father being born once again. In the quiet morning light with eau d’formula floating heavily in the air, I watched my husband fall completely in love with his daughter. I literally watched him fall. It was a precious moment that I will treasure forever.

BK is in love with her Daddy – as it should be. She thinks he hangs the moon – and the feeling is mutual. They have created a wonderful relationship that gives me such confidence in her future. I am in awe of their relationship.

My kids and their Dad are an awesome force. They love each other and hold nothing back. It’s pure and raw and real. They share bonds that will get them through the rough times. I am thankful for this to a point beyond expression. I wrote this post to honor the journey. The bond. The man.

Happy Father’s Day, Husband … and to all fathers everywhere!

We are beyond blessed to have you in our lives.

I really wanted to do something that asked me to challenge myself. I wanted to think in ways that would either push my photography skills – lighting and subject and composition, oh my – or my photo editing skills.

What to do? What to do?

Of course, the first thing that came to mind was that it would be fairly easy to catch emotion on film for this little challenge – the kids offer up heaps and loads of emotional outbursts daily. So, I started there.

joy, zest, enthusiasm, zeal, excitement, thrill, exhilaration

Then, I had the idea of finding inanimate (or at least non-human) subjects that would serve to represent – or perhaps be a metaphor for – different emotions. So, I started with the definition of emotion and see where that might take me. [I really love Wikipedia, by the way. I know many educators don't ... but I think it's fantastic!] Then, I looked for other lists and found this one. Yep, got pretty cerebral about all of this. But, these little rabbit trails took me all over my community! And, I’m so glad that they did!!!

I live in a place where there is a lot of new. New homes, businesses, roads … everything. But all of that new encroached on a very old farm community. Driving around, I found that there’s not a lot of emotion to be found in the new … but the old? That’s a completely different story.

Here’s some of the emotion I found today while I was out on the dusty roads [OK, literally ... you should see my van.] with my eyes open!

loneliness

ambition

lost, resignation

despair, hopelessness

defiance ... caution ... pride

I have a greater respect for what was here before all of the subdivided neighborhoods that we call home. I love our community and I love the sense of the past that I found as I was driving around. It made me love my community even more than I did before!

I’ve plunked these into this post in order from least to most favorite – picture of BK all excited about playing in the water aside! [The burrowing owls win partly because they are so dang cute and I was shocked to see them just hanging out.] In looking at the actual photographs and comparing them to last week’s shots … these are not as vivid and “alive” to me. Yet, in so many ways, they are more … ahh, hard to explain. So, we’ll just let them marinate for a tad and see!

Oh, and before I sign off … Andrea over at Prairie Lady posted her capture for this week early and it’s stunning. Seriously. If you’ve not gone to take a look yet, you should!

The other night, Little Man and I were talking about what he’s learning at school. He’s getting closer and closer to kindergarten and his preschool teachers are really doing a good job with readiness skills. One of the things they are doing is reading and talking about A LOT of books. [His teacher LOVES the library and talks about books and reading all the time ... heart is singing here!]!

Little Man is excited about the books they are reading – especially one. A chapter book about a little girl in kindergarten – one Miss Junie B. Jones. [Little kids are soooo cute when they say chapter book ... there's awe in every word. I love it!]

The mention of the Junie B. series made me all warm and fuzzy inside.  See, about 15 years ago, I read the Junie B. series to my students and we all fell in love with her – and Barbara Park, the author. My students and I couldn’t get enough of  her books. We bought out the book fair and emptied piggy banks when the Scholastic Book orders went around. It was a reading frenzy. I loved it. We loved it. It was a true reading community – amazing things happened.

About 10 years ago, I had the absolute privilege of meeting Barbara Park in person. She was doing an on-camera appearance in the studios where I worked. She was there to talk to students about reading and writing – her work.

Just before her visit to the studio, it was discovered that many of the folks in our little production group weren’t familiar with her books. So, I spent an hour a day reading them out loud in our cube area. By the time Ms. Park arrived, everyone knew Junie B. and loved her. [Yep, there's a pattern here. If you don't know these books, you should get to know them!]

After the shows, she sat and talked to a few of us about writing and teaching. I didn’t get much work done that day … in fact, maybe none.  She was wonderful and gracious and delightful to talk to. [Grown-ups are sooo cute when they talk about meeting amazing authors who "get it" and are willing to talk about it ... there's awe in every word.]

It’s hard to believe that it’s been so long since I’ve spent time with Junie B. So, I was excited when Little Man brought her home. And, last night, some 15 years after first meeting Junie B., I passed on my collection of her stories to my Little Man. It was good.

Tonight, he and I read about Junie B., that Grace, Mrs., Lucille, and Meanie Jim. None of them have changed much in all this time. Junie B. is still her silly, honest, ornery old self. She hasn’t aged a bit … not one. And I love that.

Little Man can’t wait to read on! My old friend has captivated my son … I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Bliss.

Let me see if I can paint you a picture. Close your eyes. [Wait! No. Don't. That won't work!] Ahem.

The sun snuck up over the horizon while we were all sleeping and was well into its task of warming up the day when I heard Little Man say, “Mom, can it be morning? I can’t sleep anymore and I hear the other kids getting up.” I shooed him out of the room to get what I imagine was a less-than-completely-nutritious breakfast with his friends. I took a few minutes to myself, threw on beach attire, and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

In short order, everyone was fed, dressed and ready for the beach! And, the fun began.

With a very delicious and refreshing drink in one hand and BK in the other, I made the short trek to the beach as Husband, Little Man, and some of the others set up “camp” for the day. To our delight, the tide was out and the tide pools were just begging to be explored. The sun was brilliant and the breeze kept the temperature near perfect.

As we were playing, another beach-goer approached and said that there were dolphins playing not far from where  we were sitting. In short order, my camera and I were on a boat heading their way thanks to a local vendor! Dolphin watching in a small boat is amazing.

After my dolphin adventure, it was time to head to one of the beach houses for a massage. Husband and the kids were playing in the tide pools, so I slipped away.

I was looking forward to this massage! Some of the others in our group had described theirs as “the best massage they’d ever had” … sounded wonderful. Changed and ready to be deeply relaxed, I closed my eyes. It was then that I heard Amazing Grace being played in the background. I don’t remember much of that hour other than it was the perfect combination of relaxation and rejoicing.

BK was napping when I recovered from my relaxed haze so I went to relieve Husband. To my surprise, I found a sleeping baby in an empty house (once Husband returned to the beach)! Windows open. Beach breezes blowing in. This is also known as the PERFECT reading environment.

Once we’d all had naps and lunch, it was back to the beach for more playing and discovering! Nothing to do but enjoy the day and play!

This was how I spent last Sunday. It’s still so fresh that I can close my eyes and mentally return to that beach and its relaxing breezes. These words and pictures don’t do it justice.

I know we’ll be back there again. Until then, I’ll look for bliss in small things. Like the little giggle I just heard on the baby monitor. The giggle that tells me BK is awake, happy, and ready to play with her mom!

Ahhh, bliss.

One of my most favorite things about Easter this year was that, after a couple of years of searching, I think we’ve found the right church for us! It’s fitting that our first service (and, frankly, theirs) was on Easter Sunday.

So here it is a day later (a day that was not so wonderful as Easter) and we are back to the normalcy of life. Except that tonight, God decided to drop a little Jesus on me. Don’t you love how that happens sometimes??

Little Man and I were getting ready to go to bed when he sort of randomly picked up the crucifix that sits on Husband’s night stand. [He's done this before. In fact, he seems to be very intrigued by the crucifixion.]

Tonight, after he told us that Jesus was nailed [always an emphasis on that word - always] to the cross and died, he looked at me and said, “Mom, this was what yesterday was all about.”

I was stunned. I didn’t think he was listening. Frankly, I should have known better.

We kept on talking about how Jesus got off the cross and the tomb was empty. That He then went to live in Heaven with God.

Without much pause, he said, “Our Odie is in Heaven with God. So’s Skeeter.” [This made Husband, who had just walked in to get something, mushy inside.]

Somewhere in the midst of all of this seriousness, Little Man must have dropped that crucifix on his toe. I honestly didn’t see him do it and he didn’t mention it. But, all of a sudden, his voice filled with tears.

LM: Mom, my toe is hurt and there’s blood, but I’m OK.

Me: What happened? Did you hurt your toenail?

LM: It happened when Jesus fell on my toe.

Me: (smiling) Jesus fell on your toe?

LM: (with the slightest bit of impatience) Not the real Jesus, Mom. The metal one.

Me: Oh. Are you OK?

LM: (bravely and with a sniffle) Yes. There is blood, but I’ll be OK. It’ll heal soon.

Me: Do you need a band-aid?

LM: I think so.

Me: OK, Daddy’s downstairs where your band-aids are. Go ask him for a band-aid.

I took this time to open Twitter … because, really, how many times do you hear the phrase, “Jesus fell on my toe.” As I was composing my tweet, I had to backspace and start over because this is what I heard.

LM: (now wailing at the bottom of the steps) IIIIIII neeeeedddd aaaa baaannnddd-aaaiiiidddd!

Husband: Jen, what happened?

LM: (sobbing loudly) Jesus fell on my toe and it’s bleeding and I need a band-aid.

Me: He wasn’t sobbing when he left me, he had a small cut. Really.

Husband: OK, let’s get you a band-aid and get you upstairs.

So, I’m all a Twitter when the boys get back upstairs. Little Man has calmed down and Husband is helping him with the stress of having Jesus fall on his toe. The conversation resumes.

Me: (sincerely) Love, are you OK?

LM: (sniffles) Yes. My toe will start healing now. I’ll have to walk carefully on it.

Husband: I don’t think Jesus meant to land on your toe, bug.

LM: For real, Jesus is supposed to watch us and take care of kids.

Our Easter blessings were many this year and they continue still … a beautiful day, time with friends and family, a new church home, and a sweet childlike reminder that sometimes we have to go through some pain to get to what’s real and good and true.

For real.

Hope you had a very Happy Easter!

The first time I saw them,  I was in awe. Looking back, I think that part of that awe had to do with the fact that I’d seen them – it was a new experience that not everyone has the privilege of seeing.

The horses aren’t always there and they aren’t always easy to see. You have to pay attention. You have to look for them. I think many of my neighbors are too busy commuting to notice them most days. Sad, really. [I really hope I'm wrong about this, by the way.]

As I began to travel the road where they can be seen daily, I started looking for them. It was as if I was looking for a sign. Something that I could hang my day on. If I saw them, my mood was instantly buoyed. The day was sure to be a good one.

I’ve been traveling that same road for some time now and I still look for the horses. I am still in awe and my mood changes instantly for the better when I see them.

I saw them today. As I scanned the horizon for more of them, I thought a bit about these amazing, beautiful creatures out in the middle of nowhere … just being.

There are loads of wild creatures around here. Most of them are of the I-wouldn’t-want-to-meet-you-accidentally variety. Most of them are members of a species that has not been domesticated.

Yet, here, on this stretch of road where a bunch of domesticated humans travel to-and-from work every day there are a bunch of wild horses … following the road less travelled.

Ironic. Wonderful.