Since he posed the question, and because I’m always a sucker for an inviting status post like that, I’ve been thinking about this a bit. As a former teacher (and now curriculum developer), writing, teaching writing, and working with the writing of others is part of “what I do.” Clearly, it’s also something I do “off the clock”. In fact, I’m not sure I can compartmentalize writing anymore – it’s vital to both my professional success and mental well-being.

But, his question made me think.

What would I tell folks who are not in a place where formal instruction is desired or necessary?

[I need to admit here that one of the coolest things about teaching is taking something that you know and trying to remember what it was like to NOT know it. The act of dissecting something that's second nature is extremely interesting and I highly recommend it. Please warn friends and family prior to starting though - it can become an obsession and I'm all about the warning before the OCD kicks in!]

So here are my top 5 writing tips – in no particular order. Hopefully, these will be helpful for someone struggling to find “their inner author”.

1. Don’t THINK about writing. BE a writer.

Too much thinking can kill a good creative streak! Now, don’t get me wrong, good writers think and plan and draft and think and plan and draft … but those are actions toward a goal! Don’t get stuck on the idea of “being a writer” or think that there is a method or procedure or recipe that you can use to become one. Just write. … and write and write and write. It doesn’t even matter if what you are writing is formal or grammatically correct or even if it makes sense. It matters that you are getting your thoughts on paper. That’s the biggest hurdle most of the time!

Oh, and please fortheloveofallthatisgoodandrightwiththeworld, please don’t worry about your spelling or handwriting!!! [You know, assuming that you still write on paper with a real pen, pencil, or even a nice colorful crayon from time-to-time.]

Blank paper, like the dark, can be scary and overwhelming. Turn the light on – get something down. Draw a picture. Write a letter. Scribble. Write down everything that comes into your head. Rhyme as many words as you can. Write a shopping list. The act of writing is the first step to becoming a better writer.

While we are here at the “being a writer” discussion, I should mention that it will probably help to rid yourself of any romanticized notions you might have about writing. It’s very often hard work. Although I secretly have visions of writing from a perch overlooking a crystal clear, blue ocean in a house full of windows. Of typing away, hearing the breeze, listening to the waves and the seabirds, and seeing an occasional whale or sea lion. I do know that this daydream is more than a tad unrealistic – both from a monetary and work efficiency standpoint. While I’m sure that some writers write in these exotic/romantic settings, I’d be willing to bet that most find their get-away at Starbucks or on their very regular living room couch. So, get thee a pumped up cuppa coffee and find a comfortable spot!

2. Embrace the messiness.

Writing is a messy business. It’s all thoughts and scribbles and phrases and rabbit trails [*grin*] and run on sentences and  … you get the idea. It’s OK. Relax. That’s part of the process. It can actually the best part of the process if you let it. This is the place and time when anything is possible. Anything!

Sometimes the messy is in your mind. You incubate your thoughts for a long time and then whoosh, it all spills on the page in a mostly-coherent draft. Although some writing teachers don’t formally count that as drafting, for my money that’s one solid way through the writing process. I tend to be a fan of what works over formal process definitions – especially when it comes to stretching the creative muscle.

Sometimes that mental drafting doesn’t work. When that happens, the mess may show up as hundreds of sticky notes or words flowing over pages and pages in a document or journal or blog. While this looks a bit messier, this often brings all of the possibilities together. [A very beautiful thing, I think!] At this point the ideas need a little tidying up … sort of like scrapbooking your family vacation. You make decisions about what ideas and phrases work in your current project and the rest becomes material for other/future projects.

Whatever your mess looks like, don’t be in too much of a rush to reign it in and don’t be embarrassed or shy about it. Celebrate the mess! Embrace it … let it be messy. You’ll clean it up eventually … probably more than once!

3. Read. Read. Read.

It’s almost cliche at this point and if it wasn’t so dang true, I’d skip it here. But, the role reading plays in becoming a good/better writer … well, it’s vital. Good writers have good models. Good writers read. If you are a blogger (or want to be), read blogs. If you want to write fiction, read a lot of fiction. If you want to write non-fiction, read a lot of non-fiction. Yep, it’s about that simple. Well, sort of.

Just reading good writing won’t automatically make you a better writer. You’ll need to pay attention to the devices, tone, and style used by the folks you are drawn to. What do they do to move the story along? What tone do they use? How do they handle dialog? What forms of poetry do they choose? What topics do they tend to write about? What draws you to their writing? What do you like/dislike about their approach to a topic? In short, you want to read like a writer. It takes things to a whole different level.

Then, the fun begins. You can try on their style for size. Pick an author’s style/tone and write something that mimics it. See what’s comfortable. See what’s not. This part is play, but I think it’s important play. You don’t want to mimic or become someone else long-term, you just want to wear their literary shoes for a bit.

I believe it’s also incredibly helpful to read what good writers say about writing and their process. I’ve mentioned Anne Lamott here before. Her Bird by Bird remains one of my favorites – and a perennial read for me. There are some online folks that I’ve found as well. I really like The Novel Doctor. I love how he uses language and humor … and I adore, absolutely adore, this post. It is spot on!

Literature, blogs, writing discussions … these become your resources and models. The advice and examples become part of your tool box! Invaluable.

4. Get social.

One of the things I’ve found most true about writing is this … audience is everything! Knowing your audience matters. Having an audience matters.

When you are your only audience, you write differently than when you write KNOWING that someone else will read your work. The difference is more than content. It’s more than dealing with the distinction between personal and shared content. There is something about “being published” that causes you to carefully consider your words and writing structure in a way that simply doesn’t happen when you are writing in a personal journal.

Oh, and here’s the good news. Being “published” doesn’t have to mean submitting work to a publisher and getting it printed in a known or highly distributed print/online publication. It simply means putting your work “out there” in a place where others can read and react to it. This opens up a wide range of possibilities that include personal blogs, “notes” in Facebook, and sharing with a colleague.

Time for a fair warning. Getting social on this level can be scary. The “What Ifs” can be overwhelming. What if the readers don’t like it? What if readers are highly critical of my work? What if everyone else posts something that is so much better? What if I can’t be as good as [insert writer's name here]? It can be terrifying. But, it’s a necessary part of getting better. You need feedback. You need to be pushed. You need to know, specifically and in some detail, where others are struggling with what you’ve written. That’s how you grow. It’s how you become better. It’s how you get out of your own way … out of your own head. It’s scary and frustrating and hard to hear (sometimes).

But, guess what? It’s likely that this new social group of yours will also tell you what’s good about your writing. They’ll celebrate your strengths and help you work through the challenges. They’ll give you support. They’ll become your writing family. They’ll make the hard work worthwhile because writing is meant to be read! Having readers is wonderfully energizing … having readers that make you want to be a better writer is a gift.

There are quite a few places writers/artists congregate online. Here are a few. You might want to try them on for size.

• National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) -is an annual (November) novel writing project that brings together professional and amateur writers from all over the world.
• National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) – National Blog Posting Month is the epicenter of daily blogging! People who want to set the habit of blogging by doing it every day for a month, including weekends, can come here for moral support, inspiration, and the camaraderie that only marathon blogging can provide.
• Art House Co-op – Art House creates massive, nationwide art projects that tie hundreds of artists together – and anyone can participate.

5. Play with words.

Sometimes work really is play and the old saying, “All work and no play…” comes directly into focus. I find writing is one of those situations. Mixing up your writing time with a combination of “real” writing and just taking time to explore or work with words is, in my opinion, vital for keeping the wheels on the road. (It’s also a fun way to get past a spell of writer’s block!) The great thing about this one is that there are ALL KINDS of ways to mix it up so, by all means, play your way!

Here are some of my favorites.

• Complete an “assignment”. I like the challenges in Room to Write by Bonni Goldberg.
• Design a Twitter-friendly/tweetable story .. 140 characters at a time.
• Find or take a picture of something and sketch out the back story.
• Create and describe a new character.
• Invent humorous/clever status entries for Facebook (or the social network of your choice).
• Find a poetry form/pattern and write a poem using it. (I especially like to write against type – like using Haiku for distinctly non-nature oriented topics.)
• Rewrite the words to a favorite song or nursery rhyme. (Really want a challenge? Work your kids/family into the new song lyrics on the fly to entertain them while making dinner. Write these down, they’ll ask you to sing them again!)
• Challenge yourself to write a paragraph about an everyday topic using using alliteration a la Aster Aardvark.

…and because you’ve read this far? Here’s a bonus tip!

Bonus: Find your own voice – and be OK with it.

It can be very tempting to imitate the style or voice of a well-loved author or of an author you particularly like. Resist. The beauty of writing is that it allows a writer’s unique personality shine. Let yours out. As wonderful as [insert your favorite writer here] might be, he/she doesn’t corner the market on quality. Be your own person when you write. Let your humor come out. Find your voice and be OK with it!!!

And I am.

I’m sorry that cancer stole the love of her life way too soon.

I’m sorry that she will know this pain so young.

I’m sorry that this family will have to find a way to live without this man they loved so much.

… and there is so much more.

I’m sorry that we didn’t spend more time together.

I’m sorry that we didn’t do more to help you fight.

I’m sorry that we weren’t there as much as we should have been.

I’m sorry for so many things.

Mostly, I’m so sorry that he’s gone.

I know he’s with God. I know that as sure as I’m here typing while tears rush down my face. He’s  no longer in pain – no longer suffering.

ET has gone home. I consider myself blessed to have known him. I consider myself doubly-blessed to have called him a friend.

[Yes, we know, we are very lucky. Yes, we know, that some will hate us for the blessing that is my mother. We can live with that.]

So we’ve reached the time when, for a little while, Husband and I revert back to DINK-dom. Ahhh … but not really. You see, once you have kids, you can never go back to anything else because you are ALWAYS thinking about … worrying about, missing, doing impressions of … your kids.

I do, however, embrace this time. It’s catch up, work hard, and don’t feel guilty time. I need it – desperately. But, I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that it’s getting harder and harder to put them on that plane. It’s getting much harder.

I would now like to share with you my experience for this year’s flight – the one that took my children almost 2000 miles from home. It’s OK if you laugh with at me. Really.

5:00 AM

Ugh. What? Oh. Dang. We need to hurry. Good thing Little Man slept in his clothes last night. Is Gram up?

5:30 AM

Ugh. OK … are we all ready? Little Man, you ready to go? Where are you? (Already downstairs in the car. Might be a tad excited.)

Awake enough now for self-talk and a stomach ache.

This is just nerves. Stop it. They’ll be fine. OK, gotta get going.

6:00 AM

Leave for the airport. Little Man talks non-stop. BK still trying to figure out why she’s up so dang early. Frankly, so am I.

6:45 AM

Arrive at the airport. Small talk abounds – little airport discussions. Little Man still talking – the car screw is his favorite part (that would be the circular ramp to the parking garage). When exactly did he become a morning person?

7:15 AM

Checked in. On the way to security. Little Man has had a bathroom stop. Husband and I are now realizing that they will be gone in about 10 minutes. Security guys somewhat empathetic to our plight tell us to move out of their neutral zone – but allow us to remain in the security line at the front so that we can watch.

We say a quick good-bye. Kids don’t cry – at all.

7:25 AM

Security is cleared. [They made BK walk through without my mom ... what? I can't even begin to explain this.] They are gone. Husband and I leave for work. Not much to say. Sad.

7:55 AM

Scheduled take off.

8:00 AM

I arrive at work – grouchy and, now that the adrenaline is gone, very tired. Did I mention yet, that this all happened on a Monday. Just wrong.

8:15 AM

Logged on to FlightAware and watched the plane climb out and away. [I have never done this before in my life. I'm not sure what possessed me to do it this time.] Got quite a bit of my “Monday work” done while I watched that plane, that lovely little green line, safely move across the country.

9:40 AM

Checked the flight status for the 20th time (they were at 39000 feet and being guided by the folks in Fort Worth) and quietly realized that I’d become a bit obsessed. I mean, really? What would I have done if that little green plane graphic would have disappeared from the screen. Wait. Bad thought. Not good to think of this when the plane is in the air!!!!

The self-talk began again.

It’s just a flight. Do you have any idea how many flights come and go with no problems. You do. I know you do. This is just a flight. People do this all the time. YOU do this. It’s fine. Stop worrying.

10:55 AM

Announced to the coworkers lucky enough to be in my office that my kids were at 700 ft. Sick, I know, but relieved. It was at this moment that I realized that my life had all but stopped for about 2 hours 49 minutes. Stopped for the duration of a flight – for something I had absolutely NO control over.

10:56 AM

Called my dad to tell him to call me when he got them. Made sure that he was going to be there to help.

11:10 AM

The phone rang. Kids were wonderful and were fantastic travelers. “Everyone said so.” They were heading to lunch. Everyone was fine – a little excited and a little tired.

Looking back, the stress I felt during this everyday 2 hour and 49 minute flight is stunning to me. My parents are completely capable of taking care of my kids. Frankly, if they weren’t, there would be no flight. Still, it was somehow very comforting to watch my kids and my mom fly safely across that screen at 39000 feet with a minute-by-minute play-by-play if I’d have wanted it.

And then, somewhere in the echo of all of the relief, I heard the voice of  our Pastor who spoke about faith and expectations on the Sunday just prior to this crazy Monday flight. One where I was reminded that God is in control and that worry doesn’t change a thing … “less worry about the future means more peace in the present.” Coincidental timing? I don’t think so.

They’ve been with their Grandparents for a week now. In that time, Little Man has learned to fish, entered a fishing derby, and caught numerous fish (which he also released). BK has gotten to know her way around and has witnessed her first real fireworks show. They are sharing a room and taking care of each other just as well as my parents are taking care of them.

They are fine. They are alive – I mean really living. They are having the time of their lives and doing things that we simply couldn’t do here at home. Life is good.

They got on that plane … and they’re still flying! We all are.

The other night, Little Man and I were talking about what he’s learning at school. He’s getting closer and closer to kindergarten and his preschool teachers are really doing a good job with readiness skills. One of the things they are doing is reading and talking about A LOT of books. [His teacher LOVES the library and talks about books and reading all the time ... heart is singing here!]!

Little Man is excited about the books they are reading – especially one. A chapter book about a little girl in kindergarten – one Miss Junie B. Jones. [Little kids are soooo cute when they say chapter book ... there's awe in every word. I love it!]

The mention of the Junie B. series made me all warm and fuzzy inside.  See, about 15 years ago, I read the Junie B. series to my students and we all fell in love with her – and Barbara Park, the author. My students and I couldn’t get enough of  her books. We bought out the book fair and emptied piggy banks when the Scholastic Book orders went around. It was a reading frenzy. I loved it. We loved it. It was a true reading community – amazing things happened.

About 10 years ago, I had the absolute privilege of meeting Barbara Park in person. She was doing an on-camera appearance in the studios where I worked. She was there to talk to students about reading and writing – her work.

Just before her visit to the studio, it was discovered that many of the folks in our little production group weren’t familiar with her books. So, I spent an hour a day reading them out loud in our cube area. By the time Ms. Park arrived, everyone knew Junie B. and loved her. [Yep, there's a pattern here. If you don't know these books, you should get to know them!]

After the shows, she sat and talked to a few of us about writing and teaching. I didn’t get much work done that day … in fact, maybe none.  She was wonderful and gracious and delightful to talk to. [Grown-ups are sooo cute when they talk about meeting amazing authors who "get it" and are willing to talk about it ... there's awe in every word.]

It’s hard to believe that it’s been so long since I’ve spent time with Junie B. So, I was excited when Little Man brought her home. And, last night, some 15 years after first meeting Junie B., I passed on my collection of her stories to my Little Man. It was good.

Tonight, he and I read about Junie B., that Grace, Mrs., Lucille, and Meanie Jim. None of them have changed much in all this time. Junie B. is still her silly, honest, ornery old self. She hasn’t aged a bit … not one. And I love that.

Little Man can’t wait to read on! My old friend has captivated my son … I can’t wait to see what happens next!

I’d not heard of Wordle, but intrigued, I trundled over and … well, just cool. So I wordled this blog post.

Created at www.wordle.net

I must say, I just love this. So many applications … some serious, some just for fun.

Go visit! Make your own … I’d love to see what your Wordle art looks like!

I’ve been an educator for a long time now. I’ve seen ups and downs, highs and lows. Over the years, I’ve watched, participated in, embraced, and avoided trends. It’s part of growing as a professional and generally working to become better at what I love.

However, about five years ago, something changed. I became a mom and started adding another rich layer of experience. These years have provided teaching experience of a different kind. I now examine and evaluate educational practices from yet another angle.

 So, as you can imagine, it was with great interest that I opened and read a new study from the Alliance of Childhood about a crisis in kindergarten classrooms in the US.

You can get the full report here.
You can get a summary here.

When I opened the report summary I was greeted with this statement. A statement that was carefully crafted, I’m sure. It’s, frankly, a heck of an opening line.

The importance of play to young children’s healthy development and learning has been documented beyond question by research. Yet play is rapidly disappearing from kindergarten and early education as a whole.

I will be honest and tell you that I read the report with some skepticism because the world of educational news reporting has gotten a bit shrill and dramatic for my tastes. This report is also, by the Alliance’s own admission, a call to action. So, it’s written with a certain drama and tension. It’s meant to provoke!

Somewhere in the middle of the second sentence, I stopped reading as a professional educator and began reading as a mom. I can tell you the instant it happened … the niggling concern, the desire to protect.

So, here we are. What follows is an open letter to Little Man’s kindergarten teacher … whoever you are!

Dear One of the Most Important People in My Son’s Educational Life,

Please know that we value you. You are about to be entrusted with one of the loves of our lives. Along the way, I am sure that we will learn more about each other than we ever intended … the good, the bad, and, perhaps, the ugly.

We also know that you have a difficult job and that the pushes and pulls on your time and focus are intense and immense. We respect that and will support your efforts.

Little Man, like all of the children in your class, is unique and special. We hope we have instilled in him the skills and behaviors that will make him happy and successful in your class … and in life.

I have only a few requests of you as you interact and guide my son through this vital year in his educational career.

1. Celebrate him. Little Man is interested in a great many things. Not all of them translate clearly to the objectives you’ve been asked to tackle with him. I know it’s easy to get caught up in the accountability of benchmarks and testing – things that tend to shift the focus to weaknesses. Please take time celebrate what he knows and can do – his uniqueness, his joys. 
2. Support him. Little Man is one of the most cautious little guys I’ve ever met. He’s sometimes slow to try things because he needs to feel that it’s safe to take risks. He needs to learn to take risks – both interpersonally and academically. Please make it safe for him to practice doing so.
3. Laugh with him. My little guy can be so serious sometimes. He’s got a very clear grasp of real and pretend – and he prefers real. Please help him develop a sense of fun and play! Please provide him time to expand his creative horizons … dare him to dream and be silly. Ask him to tell you all about it. Go along for the ride!
4. Build a strong foundation for him. I firmly believe that what you and Little Man build in this first year of formal schooling will set the tone for years to come. Please show him that learning is one of the most important things he can do for himself – and one of the coolest. Please show him daily that there are many ways to think and learn and do.
5. Cheer with him when he succeeds and help him fail with grace. This is very tough for him. Please let him fail (when necessary) and help him understand that, from failure, sometimes great learning occurs.

It is my hope that we will grow together during this year. It is my hope that we will be true partners in my son’s education. Please don’t hesitate to let us know if there is something we can do to support your efforts!

With all of our best wishes and regards,

Us

I have about four months before the reality of kindergarten sets in. Honestly, I’m not ready for it. I’m hoping that I meet with our kindergarten teacher and the contents of this letter – the requests - just fade away because it’s obvious that he or she values creativity, problem solving, play … the very essence of childhood.

However personally I have chosen to react to this report, I do think it’s beyond time we take a closer look at what we value as we educate these youngest of school-aged learners.

Times they are a’changin’ (and have been for some time). Are the changes for the better? Are we doing this the best way we know how? Are the ripple effects clearly understood? Is this reprt reactionary or is playtime getting the short end of the stick? Should we reverse the current conventional wisdom and return kindergarten to the realm of early-childhood education? What are the risks? Are we willing to take them?

I’d love to hear your take on this!

It’s springtime for my family too, I guess. Seeds that were planted weeks and months ago are starting to sprout and struggle to find sun!

I feel like today is the culmination of a huge gardening effort [and the whole metaphor here is feeling a tad bizarre because I don't garden at all]! Today is a day when it feels like everything has changed and we are starting over.

It’s both exciting and scary. It’s exhausting and, I hope, will be rewarding.

This morning, Daddy went off to work without us. [We've been carpooling for almost a year now and the kids really like for us all to be together!]  He ventured out early to get to his first day of work on time. It’s been a very long time since he’s had a first day of work!

He’s on to new professional challenges and, given the current economic conditions, we are blessed in so many ways on this one! I’m excited for him and intrigued about learning new things right along with him.

However, starting over means that he’s the newbie again and he’s got to earn their confidence and respect. I don’t doubt his ability at all. I empathize with him about the effort it will take to till the path and cultivate the relationships. I truly believe that you reap what you sow. [Oh, the heck with it, the dang metaphor works.]

Husband isn’t the only one sprouting and growing this spring. [OK, this is a really funny visual image for me!!!]  

This morning, Little Man and BK got re-potted so-to-speak. They started at a completely different school and today is a day for them to meet new teachers, build new friendships, and examine new boundaries. 

We’d been at their old school for five years and were MUCH loved there. There were many tears shed on our last days there.

Today, their new pots don’t feel quite right. Everything looks and feels different … funny … unfamiliar. They aren’t in the comfortable home that they’ve known for so long and so well. It’s hard to start over even when it’s good for you and will allow you to grow. It’s just hard.

I don’t doubt their abilities to cultivate new friendships and relationships either. In fact, I bet they’ll finger paint their new pots in vibrant shades of red and pink and all sorts of other colors! I think they’ll be settled in and on their way by pickup time … although I think they’ll be ready for some familiarity and snuggles!

I worry for them. I’m their mom.

I feel a bit like the gardener I’ve already told you that I’m not! There are all of these fantastic and amazing things happening around me and it’s my job to make sure that I water but don’t over water, that I allow sun but not too much sun, and I provide shelter so that things can take their own course when necessary. I am the active observer in all of this.

Right now, it’s not a role I like very much because my instinct to protect and shelter are getting in the way of what I really need to do here.

My bones are aching from the effort of projecting outward calm and excitement for each of these new adventures! What I am actually feeling, of course, is the instinct to put them in the car and take them to their old school … or maybe to make it a stay home day to put off the inevitable for one more day.

I’m counting the hours until I can go pick them up and hear about their days … and snuggle with them while we hatch plans for what tomorrow will be like.

While I’m certainly not starting over, it appears that I’m in a bit of a growth spurt! I guess I’m learning once again to cultivate the seeds that were sown - regardless of whether they were planted in a place and time that were of my own design.

With all this growth, I’d bet that it’ll be my time soon to get re-potted. Until then, I’ll be tending my little garden [or, maybe ... and quite possibly ... nay probably ... spreading around some fertilizer!]

I am not a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I’m not. I don’t even pretend to be.  I don’t even pretend that I actually have a choice in this whole conversation anymore. [I did once and Husband actually laughed at me - not with me - AT me. Don't be too hard on him, he was right.]

Now, when I say that I’m not a SAHM, I don’t mean that I have children and I earn my living outside the home (although this is very true about me). I mean that I am not – right down to the smallest cellular processes in my body – wired to be a SAHM.

I’m saying that me as a SAHM = train wreck. Savvy?

[The upside to a train wreck is that it makes for interesting blog posts. It's just not really good for my kids!]

I was reminded of all of this today because, today, mom (me) stayed home with BK who had a fever and couldn’t go to school.  [I'm qualifying that because sometimes I stay home while the kids go to school. This is called a vacation day. Sometimes Husband and I stay home with the kids together. This is also called a vacation day or a "stay home day".]

BK and I had a very good day. I mean, she was running a fever and was very particular about what she wanted to do but, all-in-all, I can’t really complain about my day with my daughter. It was very nice.

But …

I got nothing done. I stayed in my pjs all day. My world became all about her and what she needed. I took very good care of her. We laughed and played and napped … and my mind started to spin out of control. By the end of the day, I felt drugged.

It wasn’t until Husband came home that I realized I’d been holding my breath for about 2 hours. I was just waiting for he and Little Man to get home so that I could get my brain functioning back to normal. I needed them to take care of BK so I could take care of me for a bit.

There was a time when I felt embarassed about this admission. It sounds so selfish – particularly when this is only a one day thing in my world. Somedays I’m still living in that time. Most days, I know my limitations. Many days, I accept those limitations.

After 40 years, here’s what I know. I am good at working. I love to do it. I’ve chosen a profession that,  for me, is a calling. It’s almost what I am and how I’m defined. I’m moving away from that as I explore other areas of interest, but work will always be play for me on some level.

I also know that I’m a pretty good mom – as long as I’m working. I have to have that balance or I become very imbalanced [I know, it's a wickedly brilliant statement ... and, yes, I meant it in the "mental" way.]

I guess what I’m saying is that I adore my children. I love them to death. And, because I love them, I go to work. It makes me a better mommy.

Hopefully, they will appreciate that their mom understood herself … and, hopefully, they’ll learn about their own strengths along the way.

As I get ready to publish this post, my brain is back in order. Husband is working on his computer. My son is snuggled in for the night under an impossible pile of blankets and a sleepy I love you. BK is almost fever free and sleeping  in her room.

We are blessed … in so many ways.

Anyway.

So I was reading through the mag, with a bit of interest here and a bit there, when I hit “Mad at Dad“.

Now, I’ve been known to get mad from time-to-time. In fact, I have a fairly quick temper. So, this one interested me. Until I started to read the article. Then, I was just sort of confused, concerned, and a bit embarrassed.

So, apparently, a lot of women are mad at their husbands a lot of the time. And, apparently, there is a pattern to the anger that suggests that the male/female role stereotypes are still very much alive. Oh, and the icing on the cake … anger can kill ya.

OK … many magazine articles are written because of their appeal to a mass group of people. You know, information that will make us all feel relieved to know that someone else has the same crappy problems we do. But I felt like this article put me smack dab on an island in the middle of who-knows-where.

You see, in my house, every one of the “triggers” listed works in exactly the opposite way. I will elaborate. [Come on, you knew I would and this is the good stuff.]

44% of moms get mad because their husbands don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids.

Crap. Nope. This is a complaint Husband has about me. [Specifically the house part. Specifically, oh never mind ... the list is too long.]

40% of  moms get mad because their husbands can’t multitask.

Strike two. I do not multitask very well at home. It’s possible that I have a limited amount of that ability and I use it up at work. Either way, it’s a common Husband complaint.

31% of moms get mad because their husbands don’t help with the chores.

Uh … ummm … nope. He totally helps with the chores and I’m sure he wishes I would do more to help in certain areas. [Kitty litter comes to mind.]

50% of moms get made because their husbands get more  time for themselves.

I’m so out. I get way more time to myself than Husband does and I get it because he gives it to me. Mind you, I don’t feel like I have enough time to myself … but, he doesn’t either. It’s part of having small children.

Now before we all go getting judgemental [including me about myself, by the way], I’ve been working on getting better in all of these areas. Some days I’m better than others. Some days I just fail miserably.

I’m not sure what all of this means and I’m not sure what made me decide to post this. I’m certainly not a big fan of highlighting my less-than-stellar traits.  

I’ve known for a long time that my little family works against quite a few stereotypes. I’ve known for a long time that I tend to do things a tad differently. I’ve known for over 8 years now that I’m incredibly lucky.

Maybe that’s why I decided to post this … not as a confession or a gloat, but to celebrate Husband. He’s cool and he doesn’t get enough credit by half!

Apparently, he’s not only a loving husband and father who takes fabulous care of his family, he’s also saving me from more than a few anger-related health issues. I had no idea.

So, here’s to Husband … one amazing man and someone I love more than words. Thanks. B.

For most of my life, fellowship has had a very church-specific meaning. First, it was a plac – Fellowship Hall – that was synonymous with cookies and punch and lots of kids running everywhere. Then, it became part of the religion itself. It was something important to do … to gather in Christian fellowship (meaning gather with those who believe to learn and share).

I knew the word. I knew what it meant in my sphere of experience. I thought I had it down. Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t. I never really had cause to think to much about it until recently.

I have a colleague who has an amazing way of putting things into perspective at just the right time and with just the right words. And, while we typically discuss and try to solve work-related issues, I’ve found that the majority of the time the conversations are applicable in other parts of my life as well. These kinds of unintended consequences are most welcome!

Recently, the topic of fellowship came up and, after the conversation, what I’d ” known” seemed to fall short of the mark. [This is, frankly, the coolest part about learning - and perhaps about fellowship itself.]

In a nutshell, my concept of fellowship was about getting together in a sort of friendship – sort of a social event with purpose. Folks coming together to enjoy each other’s company … a generally warm and fuzzy existence with like-minded people.

That type of fellowship is fine and, I suppose, even important. But, I’m wondering how purposeful it is in the world in which we currently find ourselves.

I’ve been reading a lot lately about the state of the world. And, as I’ve written before, it seems to be a mess. [Scary. Ack.]

I’ve also been digging into how folks are using social-networking sites and the so-called Web 2.0 technologies to create the idea of community on the web. There are a lot of really cool things going on – and the cool typically will bring out the scary for a time!

I’m seeing, in my old definition and experience of fellowship, that there’s not a whole lot of room for growth. Warm and fuzzy doesn’t necessarily breed opportunities for learning and innovation. This growth usually comes out of comparatively harsh environments – places where almost everything is questioned. [It strikes me as I write this that mold grows in warm, undisturbed places ... I don't want to get moldy! I don't think that's conducive with the point of fellowship!!]

So, I’ve begun to look fellowship a bit differently. The rethink started with a single conversation and continued as I continue with my almost constant and insatiable need to discover of the possibilities of community in the world online (which started around 1995 and has only increased).

My new understanding about what fellowship is (and can be) included a look at literature. [Frankly, I think most things could begin with a look at literature and I'm not sure why I'm always so surprised when a good book teaches me something long after I've read it.]

In The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkien places 9 folks on a mission – a majorly intense quest filled with urgency and danger. Quests of this nature are certainly not uncommon in literature.

But …

In the journey of  this chosen 9, Tolkien gave readers an unforgettable definition and description of the power of fellowship. He gave this particular set of 9 characters a mutually valued, common goal. [OK. still not necessarily mind-bending with regard to fellowship.]

But …

The 9 were remarkably different. They had vastly different lives, experiences, belief structures, and loads of differing opinions. In fact, some in the group were sworn enemies. Far from being warm and fuzzy, this group was fairly hostile toward each other. Not an easy road to travel but together, for the good of the goal, they did some great things.

In the midst the synthetic process, [er, uh, synthesizing all of this information into something that I can wrap my head around and use in more global situations] I decided that fellowship, Lord of the Rings-style, is probably a key to the success of a great many things.

The beauty of this kind of fellowship is that we can do great things together in spite of the fact that some of the group don’t like each other all that much. It means that we need to act civilly, but can be honest about what we believe. We can celebrate strengths and lift up weaknesses. It means that fellowship, while a vitally important part of religion, also transcends it.

It means that positive can come from conflict. We’ve got a lot of conflict and disagreement these days. There is a lot to gain from overcoming it – regardless of how difficult the journey may be.

I’m finding hope in that.

Hmmm … fellowship of the hopeful? No, fellowship of the positive. Hmmm … no, not quite right.

Yeh, I think there’s a story waiting to be written there!