Starting Over

Posted by Jen on March 2, 2009 in Family, Lessons Learned |

We’re nearing spring … the time of the year when things are, once again, fresh and new. It’s a really hopeful time of year and I love it – I always have. I’m anxiously waiting for the flowers to perk up and give us their fabulous flash of brilliance.

It’s springtime for my family too, I guess. Seeds that were planted weeks and months ago are starting to sprout and struggle to find sun!

I feel like today is the culmination of a huge gardening effort [and the whole metaphor here is feeling a tad bizarre because I don't garden at all]! Today is a day when it feels like everything has changed and we are starting over.

It’s both exciting and scary. It’s exhausting and, I hope, will be rewarding.

This morning, Daddy went off to work without us. [We've been carpooling for almost a year now and the kids really like for us all to be together!]  He ventured out early to get to his first day of work on time. It’s been a very long time since he’s had a first day of work!

He’s on to new professional challenges and, given the current economic conditions, we are blessed in so many ways on this one! I’m excited for him and intrigued about learning new things right along with him.

However, starting over means that he’s the newbie again and he’s got to earn their confidence and respect. I don’t doubt his ability at all. I empathize with him about the effort it will take to till the path and cultivate the relationships. I truly believe that you reap what you sow. [Oh, the heck with it, the dang metaphor works.]

Husband isn’t the only one sprouting and growing this spring. [OK, this is a really funny visual image for me!!!]

This morning, Little Man and BK got re-potted so-to-speak. They started at a completely different school and today is a day for them to meet new teachers, build new friendships, and examine new boundaries.

We’d been at their old school for five years and were MUCH loved there. There were many tears shed on our last days there.

Today, their new pots don’t feel quite right. Everything looks and feels different … funny … unfamiliar. They aren’t in the comfortable home that they’ve known for so long and so well. It’s hard to start over even when it’s good for you and will allow you to grow. It’s just hard.

I don’t doubt their abilities to cultivate new friendships and relationships either. In fact, I bet they’ll finger paint their new pots in vibrant shades of red and pink and all sorts of other colors! I think they’ll be settled in and on their way by pickup time … although I think they’ll be ready for some familiarity and snuggles!

I worry for them. I’m their mom.

I feel a bit like the gardener I’ve already told you that I’m not! There are all of these fantastic and amazing things happening around me and it’s my job to make sure that I water but don’t over water, that I allow sun but not too much sun, and I provide shelter so that things can take their own course when necessary. I am the active observer in all of this.

Right now, it’s not a role I like very much because my instinct to protect and shelter are getting in the way of what I really need to do here.

My bones are aching from the effort of projecting outward calm and excitement for each of these new adventures! What I am actually feeling, of course, is the instinct to put them in the car and take them to their old school … or maybe to make it a stay home day to put off the inevitable for one more day.

I’m counting the hours until I can go pick them up and hear about their days … and snuggle with them while we hatch plans for what tomorrow will be like.

While I’m certainly not starting over, it appears that I’m in a bit of a growth spurt! I guess I’m learning once again to cultivate the seeds that were sown – regardless of whether they were planted in a place and time that were of my own design.

With all this growth, I’d bet that it’ll be my time soon to get re-potted. Until then, I’ll be tending my little garden [or, maybe ... and quite possibly ... nay probably ... spreading around some fertilizer!]

I'll be hoppin' along now ...

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