I have an amazing husband. I really do. He’s keeps this family together and juggles a massive task list. I almost never measure up.
Now, don’t read that as a pity-me, self-deprecating, tell-me-I’m-just fine statement. It’s not. It’s just the truth. My strengths don’t inhabit the world of the everyday. They are cerebral and for all practical purposes not well suited for dealing with everyday details.
My mother’s voice is in my head right now, so let me get this out while I’m here. I was taught how to do all of the things I’m supposed to do as a functioning adult. I know how to do laundry, shop for groceries, cook dinner, make a bed, vacuum the floor, dust, … you get the idea. In fact, when I do these things, I can do them very well.
But none of that is really the point tonight. You see my husband and my son have been out of town for 3 days. For 3 days, I’ve had the freedom to do what I want on my schedule. I’ve stayed up late, watched movies, ordered pizza … the usual … and I’ve missed them terribly.
The one thing I’ve not done is the one thing that my husband will probably not be able to get past. I’ve not finished a contract job that has been hanging over my head for months. It’s ridiculous really … not to have finished it. Stupid.
But, in the time that was to be spent on that task, I’ve re-discovered how to enjoy life a bit. I’ve finished all of the Christmas shopping (and genuinely enjoyed shopping for others) and wrapped all of the presents. I’ve done the laundry and dishes. I’ve vacuumed the house (twice). I’ve uploaded about 9000 pictures to our family web site. I’ve hung out with Odie and Izzy instead of always fussing at them.
The trouble is … there’s so much left to do. I’ve not scrapbooked. I’ve not changed the sheets on the bed. …. I’ve not finished the task.
How do I explain it to him – to a man who believes that you need to get your work done before you play?! I don’t think I can. I feel about 10 years younger today, but I can feel the guilt and the shame creeping up on me. It’ll catch up. It always does.
So, I sit here with about 18 hours before their return. Wishing that I would have spent the time differently … yet, not really. Wishing I could just, for once, have worked the list in order of priority.
If you asked, I bet that he would cross all of the items off his wish-list for Christmas if I could have just done this one thing. But, that didn’t dawn on me until just as I was writing it. So what do I do now?
Get back to work.