Privacy

I am the mother of two small children and one fairly needy feline. I understand what life without privacy is like.

I no longer use the potty without at least one visitor (and, yes, “using the potty” is the current and correct terminology). Phone calls are NEVER uninterrupted. I do not shower or get dressed without someone loitering in the master bathroom and dressing area. Husband and I must email each other to talk about issues that affect Little Man because he hears and understands way too much otherwise. I don’t even blog alone most nights.

We are simply always together. We like it that way – most of the time.

At work, my office has two walls that are made of glass. Everyone can see me and I can see everyone. The space my team works in is separated from another part of the building by a glass wall. It’s a bit like a fishbowl.

But again, we’ve gotten used to it and we like it that way – most of the time.

Online, I’m less willing to relinquish my privacy. OK, I can see how you might think that an odd statement given that you are reading a blog about my life and it’s pretty much out there for everyone to see, read, make judgements about, etc.

The concept of being anonymous online is very appealing – even seductive. There are not many places anymore – online or off - where folks can ”disappear” and be completely uninhibited … free with their words and actions.  You know, sort of like Lord of the Flies without a lot of the mess.

For a period of time, I think the Internet offered that sort of underground anonymity that was a great diversion from everyday life where someone is always in your kitchen. Thing is, somewhere along the line, the Internet went a little more mainstream. When that happened a lot of the denizens of this early online underground found themselves back on the surface.

OK, this is a really simplistic view and the real denizens are still very much underground. But there really are a whole bunch of folks who really haven’t come to grips that there is ultimately no such thing as anonymity.

Don’t believe me? Check this article out … from The Charlotte Observer.

There are elements of this situation in Charlotte that stun me and elements that I have no trouble believing. I understand the action taken by the district – there’s a sort of unwritten teachers-as-role-model rule that you just can’t break and have any credibility remain. 

Truth be told? I’m actually more concerned about what this says about the common sense of those involved! I want my kids to have good role models, but surrounding them with competent adults who have and use good old fashioned common sense is equally important to me! (There’s a argument brewing about teachers having the right to live their lives … I can just feel it!) 

But again, I digress.

Even in Lord of the Flies (which, by the way, I HATED in high school), things eventually started to level out. The boys created their own hierarchy and began to restore some order to the chaos. It’s happening online as I type … and the whole thing is taking a normal path! 

For a long time, one of the cons of kids (and adults) being online is that they were being antisocial. There was this huge outpouring of concern that somehow online communities would somehow reduce our humanity. Well … looks like, once again, human nature is just too strong.

Turns out the “ambient awareness” created by our online chatter and community building is actually humanizing the whole experience. (You can check a blog about this article here.) We are – as a community – learning how to be human online! Yay for us!

I’m not going to argue that there is a lot of work left to do. Common sense is seemingly less common than it once was (although I’m not sure that’s a completely fair statement). Kids are the early adopters and have experienced some really messy social situations. They’ve worked out ways to be – much like they do in real life (which is a sort of ridiculous descriptor because the Internet and online friends are very much part of REAL life). Adults are catching up and now wondering about how to best guide students and children (hmm, sound like a familiar historical pattern?).

Terry Freedman disccussed this very thing in a recent blog post (techLEARNING). I think my absolute favorite paragraph is this one…

Is it possible to be a public person and still retain one’s privacy? Of course it is, but it takes thought and effort. I think that what we really ought to be helping youngsters understand is not how to be totally private, which we hypocritically cannot manage to do ourselves, but to work out the right (for them) balance of privacy and openness, taking into account common sense and circumstances.

This is clearly not a “kids only” issue. We all need to learn together!

Most days, I think I’ve found my balance, but I’ll always have to check my equilibrium or I’ll fall on my bum. That’s part of the beauty of the whole thing. It’s dynamic and exciting. It’s full of friends, collaboration, learning, and possibilities.

It’s just not completely private! Hmmm … kind of like real life.