Twitter at 30,000 Feet

It’s getting to be late evening. The skies are clear and full of stars. The moon is insanely bright. There is not a cow to be smelled for miles. BK is snugly ensconced in bed between her grandparents (I’m not reading anything written by the American Academy of Pediatrics for a couple of days.). Little Man is snuggled into his own personal big bed heaven. I am alone. It is quiet. I am exhausted.

Today I flew across country in a scenario that included more children than adults. This is something that scares the crap out of me and something I do not advocate. That said, people do it all the time. I’m a grown up. Meh.

I need to tell you that my children are EXCELLENT travelers. They really are (except now they won’t be because I’ve gone and bragged on them and that never ends well). But I will also tell you that I’m seriously considering only taking one of them home with me because today was just freakin’ nuts.

This brings me to the thought that triggered this blog topic tonight.

Someone should really consider figuring out a way to tweet from a flight. I bet you’d get some pretty interesting stuff … like, you know, from the lady who was forced to sit next to us today and those guys a couple of rows up who tried to open a tab so that the flight attendants would keep the beer coming.

If it would have been technically possible to tweet from 30,000 feet (and if I would have been stupid enough to try it given the situation), the feed might have looked something like this.

jenstwit: The pilots aren’t here. The plane is full. I’m stuck in the back. This is not good.

jenstwit: This airline is NEVER late. Why today? Please, please please pray that we take off soon.

jenstwit: BK has fallen asleep. We’ve not taken off yet. This is not going to end well.

jenstwit: Yay! We are in the air. They are making announcements – chatty today. Really? Is this necessary? BK is still sleeping – wait, no, crap she’s up. This flight is over 3 hours. We are in trouble.

jenstwit: BK just tore a hole in all of the snack bags. Goldfish are flopping around everywhere. We’ll have to eat them. Little Man is OK with that.

jenstwit: BK moves like Little Man talks. Nonstop. 

jenstwit: Little Man is melting into his seat. He reminds me of melted butter right now – no form, slippery, and impossible to clean up. BK is still moving.

jenstwit: Just got a Coke. Ahhh … BK just grabbed the can. The lady next to us is kind.

jenstwit: Little Man is watching a movie. Excellent. BK is fighting a nap like she’s never fought in her life. I’m going to win if it kills me. If I don’t win, the lady next to us might kill me. This might be life or death.

jenstwit: OK, that was overly dramatic. The lady next to us has the patience of Job. (But she’s also had the travel day from hell – even before sitting next to us – and you never know when someone will snap.)

jenstwit: Please, please, please pray that they turn the fasten seat belt sign off soon!

jenstwit: What will I do if Little Man has to go to the bathroom? Please, please, please pray that he won’t have to.

jenstwit: You know … when Husband tells me that he doesn’t think that the diaper he put on is on quite right, I need to listen.

jenstwit: BK just leaked all over her pants, my shirt, and my jeans. Quick thinking and me throwing most of the diaper bag on the floor as I quickly found diapers saved the day.

jenstwit: Finally, BK is asleep. She still hasn’t stopped moving, though. Can’t get comfortable. I need a nap.

jenstwit: When is this plane going to land?

jenstwit: How much longer?

jenstwit: Crap, Little Man’s movie is over and I can’t move to get him something else or I’ll wake up BK. 

jenstwit: Crap, BK is awake again and not happy about being  in a middle seat. Come to think of it, I’m not too happy about being in a middle seat either.

jenstwit: Amen. We can see trees.

jenstwit: We have crap everywhere. Is there an FAA penalty if I just leave it and walk away?

jenstwit: We’re heading off the plane. Last ones off. So late that they are actually boarding the next set of passengers. … don’t care. We are getting off the plane and there will be more adults soon!!!

Now that it’s quiet and I’m removed from the drama of it all, I can tell you that I still think my kids are excellent travelers. BK is at a stage where she needs to move and we were not in any position to accommodate her. Little Man was a real trooper and did what he was asked to do. And … the lady next to us told me that she thought they’d been good (even after she had to hold BK while I found a diaper for that little leaky moment).

But … given my mental state at the time, I still think it would have made for a good laugh for those with their feet on the ground!